


Finding Home

by Krashlynpride



Series: Finding Home [1]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Roommates, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, krashlyn - Freeform, tw rape, tw violenc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-10-29 14:22:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 40,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10855809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krashlynpride/pseuds/Krashlynpride
Summary: 26 year old Ali Krieger hasn't left her home in over two years, she is agoraphobic. A traumatic event make her feel like her house is the only safe place. Her brother Kyle decides that she needs to get a roommate so that she isn't cut off from the outside world. In comes 25 year old  Washington Spirit and United States National Team goalkeeper Ashlyn Harris. Ashlyn is known for overcoming the odds, and making something out of nothing, can she do the same with an emotionally closed off Ali? Ashlyn has never known a real home, and Ali refuses to leave hers, is it possible that they can find a home in each other?Trigger Warning: Mentions and brief descriptions of Ali's assault. It's a pretty dark story, and it starts out dark from the beginning. Lots of angst so be prepared.This is for Nethog who's my own version of HAO.





	1. A backstory and a beginning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nethog](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nethog/gifts).



> So last year I started writing a Krashlyn story called Finding Home. However I lost my own way and deleted all my stories. But I think this is a story that needs to be told, so I am rewriting it and giving it a fresh take. I hope you all stick along with me for the ride. It's not always gonna be an easy one, but I hope you have brought some popcorn for the journey. May we all find home.  
> Also hit me up on tumblr @Krashlynpride  
> \- Becks.

Life was never meant supposed to be like this. Life was supposed to be stupid dinner parties with friends, weekend trips, complaining about a boring nine-to-five job. Life was supposed to be about knowing how many steps it took you to get from your desk, to the car, and from the car to the front door. 

Life wasn't supposed to be full of longing glances to the outside world, panic attacks, and feeling lonely as you watched the world move on without you. It wasn't supposed to be full of regret, and fear that you would die in the same house you were scared to leave. 

Ali Krieger had wanted so much more for herself. She was an overachiever, she had fought past knee surgeries, had became one of the best collegiate players in the United States. She had her whole life ahead of her, and then that fateful night happened. 

She had received a call from her brother's boyfriend at the time, saying that Kyle was plastered and getting himself into trouble. Ali was pissed because she had a huge game the next day, and yet her brother was being selfish once again. She had driven to that stupid frat party, trying to drag her brother out of the party. 

However a few drunken frat boys had made other plans. Ali could still vividly recall the feeling of their hands on her, the smell of their breaths tainted with alcohol. Ali hated the way they had left bruises, they had taken that bright shining star and in a matter of minutes extinguished the light inside of her. She had screamed for help, begged for them to stop, but it was for nothing. 

When they were finally done, it was Kyle's boyfriend who had found her. He gave her a jacket, and tried to help her but Ali couldn't even process what was going on. She vaguely recalled stumbling back to her car, Kyle's boyfriend shoving Kyle into the passenger seat. 

Ali wasn't in any position to drive and neither was Kyle. The weather was unfavorable, and Ali was so out of it that she missed a stop, and when she woke up both her and Kyle were being pulled from the wreckage. Kyle had broken his collarbone, and Ali had a broken leg, broken arm and wrist, as well as a few fractured ribs. They had ended up having to sedate her when she struggled against the paramedic's touches. She wasn't drunk on alcohol but rather than fear. She didn't want to get hurt again, didn't want somebody to touch her without permission. 

It had taken Ali a three week stay in the hospital before they finally released her. The frat boys who assaulted her were charged with not only her assault but the assault of a few others at the party and sentenced to time in jail. Ali's family had sued the school, as well as the fraternity and with what Ali won they had decided to buy her a house. 

It was a nice house, but the longer that Ali lived there, the less she went out. Life wasn't supposed to be like this, but yet that was exactly how her life had turned out. The incident had happened almost four years prior and Ali hadn't left her house in two years. She had quit the soccer team, made sure that all her classes were online and refused to leave her new home. Her family had been rich before the incident and with all of her wealth Ali couldn't see why she needed to leave to find a job. 

Her house was safe, there weren't men to break in and hurt her. It was safe and as long as she was behind her walls, she could go outside. She could swim, feel the sun. She had learned to run multiple businesses from her home. Ali had even hired a few trustworthy people to go shopping for her, with the advances of the internet she couldn't see the use in leaving the safety of her home. 

Sure she got lonely sometimes, but even the thought of being in a crowd of people scared the shit out of her. It would cause her to shake and tremble. Ali couldn't handle crowds anymore, it was one of the reasons she had chosen to not leave her house in two years. This was her home, and she couldn't just leave it.

Maybe life hadn't turned out like she wanted, maybe she wasn't a big name soccer player but there was more to life than that in Ali's opinion. She stayed home when others went out but she was okay with that. She had found a place where nobody could hurt her, and that was good enough. The trouble was convincing Kyle of that. 

After the accident Kyle had gotten clean, it had been a process but he was doing better. He was making a life for himself, but he couldn't keep living in the same house as Ali. He needed to forgive himself and so he was moving. Ali wasn't thrilled about it, but if Kyle left she wouldn't have to deal with him bugging her to try and leave the house all the time. 

Ali wasn't sure what she was going to do, the people who worked for her were friendly yes, but they weren't her best friends. They were employees and Ali wasn't sure if she could handle losing all contact with the outside world. Kyle had suggested getting her a live-in roommate, somebody who could stay at the house at nights and keep her company but not bug her all the time. 

The idea of somebody in her home that she hadn't done a thorough background check on scared her. It was letting somebody close enough to hurt her and that made Ali uneasy. However her therapist had told her that for her relationship with Kyle to continue healing she needed to express a trust in him. 

So she had agreed to at least let him look for a new roommate for her. She had a feeling he wouldn't find anybody and if he didn't then she'd just live by herself. There were worst things, she figured she could handle it. She just hoped that her brother wouldn't find some lazy freeloader, Ali didn't have time to be playing babysitter to another person. She just hoped that the ad he had placed on the internet wouldn't be too creepy.  
\---  
"You excited to be playing for the Spirit?" 

Ashlyn Harris glanced up from where she had been working on fixing her skateboard, following the sound of the voice towards her best friend Whitney Engen. She had been staying in Whitney's house while she attempted to find a place to live in the area. 

Considering the girl's question for a long moment, Ashlyn finally gave a shrug. "I mean it's a great opportunity. Maybe if I do good then I can earn some recognition from Jill and actually get a start on the field." Ashlyn replied, trying to think long and hard about her opportunity. She wanted to play so badly, to actually earn some caps. She felt like she had been in Hope Solo's shadow long enough. 

Whitney gave her a small smile, she knew how much it bugged the blonde keeper to be held back and held down. Her friend had been facing adversity all her life, but she had risen above it all and she was here. 

"As much as I love you living with me and sleeping on my couch, I think you need to find your own place. You gotta stand on your own feet." Whitney encouraged, she wanted Ashlyn to have her own space. 

Crinkling her nose Ashlyn set her skateboard down and approached Whitney. She placed her hands on the girl's shoulders and gave her a sad attempt at puppy eyes. "But Whit, you know I love you. You could just share that big bed of yours. I am a good cuddle buddy." Ashlyn purred, knowing she was making the girl uncomfortable. 

Whitney's cheeks started to heat up and she gently punched Ashlyn in the stomach. "You know I hate when you do that. Besides, I don't like sharing my bed Ash. You need to go find your own place, I'll help you look." She offered. 

Ashlyn pouted and rubbed her stomach. "Fine, I'll start looking for a place." She grumbled, heading into the house to fire up her laptop. She didn't think she'd find a place but she was willing to at least look for one.  
\---  
A few hours later, Ashlyn found herself getting tired. A lot of the homes were either great an expensive or crappy and cheap. She wanted to have a place in a decent neighborhood, she was always traveling so she felt like she needed to be close enough to reliable people to watch her home. 

"Whit I don't know about this." Ash mumbled with a sigh, dramatically flopping back on the couch. She didn't want to look at any more houses, her brain was starting to hurt. 

Whitney made a sound of annoyance and took the laptop. "Didn't know you were the type to give up Harris." She narrowly ducked the hand that Ashlyn tried to gently hit her with. Scooting over a little bit further away from the keeper, Whitney began typing and searching. 

It took about five minutes but Whitney finally turned the computer towards Ashlyn. "How about this one?" Whit asked, nodding to the screen. 

Ashlyn saw the first two words and her nose crinkled in disgust. "Roommate wanted? That sounds like a serial killer." Ashlyn complained, but then continued to skim the article. "So this guy is looking for a roommate for his sister, because she doesn't leave the house and works from home? Whit c'mon this totally sounds like a serial killer." 

Whit narrowed her eyes and looked at the ad for the roommate. "Stop being so negative. It says here that the sister is agoraphobic. She doesn't leave which means you would have somebody to watch your stuff while you travel. Not to mention you'd have somebody other than me to annoy when you're home." 

The keeper seemed hesitant, but the house did look nice from the pictures. "Maybe we could schedule a meeting with the guy. But if I get any creepy vibes at all, I am so out of there Whit. I mean I swear to God, I will leave your ass behind." Ashlyn warned, she had an odd feeling about this. 

Whit gave her a playful smile. "You forget that the key to survival is being able to run faster than the slowest person, and you suck at running." She burst into laughter at the look on Ashlyn's face and then went to schedule the meeting with the guy from the ad.


	2. Sometimes you gotta trust just a little

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle and Ashlyn meet to hammer out some details, and Ali seriously needs to get out of her house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is chapter 2 of finding home. I am sorry if it's a little short, but it was needed to fill in Ashlyn meeting Kyle and agreeing to come check out the place. I promise next chapter we will have Ali and Ash finally meeting.

Ashlyn Harris was never one to back down from a challenge, she was the type of person to be intentional. She liked to think of herself as approachable, she could be warm and open. She spoke her mind and seeing the man in front of her, well she felt like they could be friends. 

Honestly, Kyle Krieger didn't strike the blonde keeper as a serial killer, but then again what did she know about them. Ashlyn figured she could take him though, and she had Whitney with her. There was something about Kyle that seemed to disarm Ashlyn from the get go. While his smile was bright and friendly, there was something in his eyes that showed loss and a warrior type of spirit. She could tell that Kyle had been through a lot, that he carried a lot with him. 

"So, you say your sister has an empty room?" Whitney asked, finally getting to the point of the meeting. They had been making small talk for close to twenty minutes, everybody just feeling each other out. 

Kyle glanced to Whitney and nodded his head slowly. "Yeah, my sister is really successful at working from home, but being in a big house by herself all the time isn't good for her. My parents actually bought the house for her, probably with the intention of her having people living with her, but that didn't happen they way they wanted." He explained, unsure of how much detail he should really go into. Some of it was his to tell, but there were parts of Ali's story that he didn't feel was his place or their business. 

Ashlyn was listening to his commentary before she tilted her head to the side. "Well what is she like?" She asked, wondering why the girl wanted to be alone. 

The male shifted a bit uncomfortable in his seat. "That is a hard one, my sister kind of went through something traumatic about four years ago. She used to be funny, outgoing, she was the life of the party with the megawatt smile. Ali was sunshine on a cloudy day and now... I guess she's reserved, closed off and private. She's particular about details and in need of a routine and control." He was trying his best to explain what had occurred, without too much detail. 

Whitney looked to Ashlyn, trying to gauge her best friend's expression. She knew that Ashlyn had to be the one to decide whether or not she wanted to move in with this stranger. By the look on Ash's face though, Whitney could tell she had made up her mind. 

Ash had never been one to back away from a challenge and she wasn't going to start now. Even if she could only help by making this Ali girl's day a little bit brighter. If Ali's life was just a bunch of rain clouds, then the girl needed some sunshine and Ash was going to do her best. 

"I travel a lot for soccer." Ashlyn attempted to warn him. She didn't want him to be misinformed, if he was looking for somebody that could be there twenty-four seven, then he had the wrong gal. 

Kyle gave a sad smile. "That is probably going to work out. Ali would need time to adjust to living with somebody new, so you not being around all the time would be a good transition for her. She'd have to learn to deal with you being there on the days you're home. It'd be a step in the right direction." The last part was more for Kyle than Ashlyn. 

Standing up Whitney cleared her throat. "Maybe we could meet your sister, before we sign any agreements? Talk about rent with her as well, it wouldn't be any good to have them living together if they end up not getting along." 

"Yeah that is true, I will talk to Ali and then give you a call to set up a time?" Kyle asked, looking between the two of them. He assumed they were together, so he'd have to probably mention that to Ali. Not that'd care about her new roommate being gay, but rather that her new roomie would occasionally have guest over. 

Ashlyn offered her hand for Kyle to shake. "Sounds like a deal Kyle." She gave him a reassuring smile as they shook hands, before watching him leave. The keeper really wanted to think this through before she agreed to go for it. Besides Whitney was right, she felt like the girl wouldn’t let her get roped into anything too wild and crazy. The other soccer player had always been her voice of reason that kept Ashlyn from falling to far off the wagon.   
\---   
"So how did it go?" Ali was curled up on the couch, her fingers fiddling apprehensively with the throw blanket on her lap. She still wasn't totally sold on the idea of having a roommate but she wanted to know if Kyle had any bites yet on his ad.   
Kyle had just walked through the door after his meeting with Whit and Ashlyn, and he was rather excited to tell Ali that maybe just maybe he had found somebody who could live with her. "I think it went well, the girl's name is Ashlyn and she plays soccer." 

Ali raised a brow. "Like professional soccer, how old is she?" 

Huffing dramatically Kyle threw her a withering stare. "How rude do you think I am? I didn't ask her, her age. She's close to our age though." Kyle retorted, running a hand through his hair. "Anyways she plays professional soccer for the Washington Spirit. I think she also mentioned something about the National Team?" He shrugged though, he hadn't really been keeping up with the sport lately. Truthfully he didn't know the national team was a year round thing, he thought they were only assembled for the World Cup and Olympics. 

"You are such a man sometimes Kyle." Ali grumbled before going back to messing with the pillow in her lap. It was a nervous habit of sorts. 

Kyle stared at his sister, before sighing softly. "Hey, so the girl mentioned maybe wanting to meet you. Ashlyn thought it would be good to see if you two click together." He was trying to give his sister a chance to get to know the girl before they moved in together. 

The former soccer player's face paled a bit. "Are you sure that is a good idea, I mean I don't go out Kyle." 

"Well then I guess she is just going to have to come here and meet you on your terms." Kyle tried to supply her with a reassuring smile, hoping that his confidence would mask the fact that he was genuinely worried about his sister. Ali was one of the most important things to him, she was a fighter and to see her as broken as she was, it cut him deeply.   
There was this tiny bit of hope in his heart, that maybe Ash could be a good influence and maybe shed some of her positive energy into Ali. 

"So are her teammates going to be coming around a lot? I don't want paparazzi staking out on my front yard."Ali warned, her eyes darkening at the thought of her privacy being invaded once more. 

It was bad enough that her face had been splashed across every newspaper in town, not to mention the state. She had been a high profile player and for her to just drop everything and leave the game, it had brought a lot of unwanted attention. The trial had only made it worse, the comments about her deserving what had happened, or that she had probably been teasing and provoking the boys at the party. That she had driven them crazy all night, and was just a tease that had been put in her place. Those cruel words had only forced her into wanting to hide away forever. 

Kyle chewed on his bottom lip, and then shook his head. "I really think you should just get to know her, I am sure you all could work everything out. The living arrangements and what not." Kyle cleared his throat and stood up. He had to get to work soon, but he wanted to make sure Ali was okay before he left. "Just have her come here for coffee okay? I can be here if you need me to." He offered softly. 

Ali waved him off, she felt like she needed some time to think. "Just let her know that she can come over on Sunday. I can give her the tour of the house and we can settle stuff. You can be here if you want, I think I might be able to handle her." 

The tattooed man stared at Ali and then shrugged. "Alright sis, I will let Ashlyn know. Enjoy your night." He kissed the top of her head, before he left. He was feeling a tad anxious. Kyle had known his sister for as long as she had been alive. He knew her well enough to know that she was probably going to try and find out info about Ashlyn on the web, before actually meeting her.


	3. When a beautiful brick wall meets an emotional brick wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash and Ali finally meet, also Ali is a ball of anxiety and second guesses everything and Ashlyn just wanted to figure her out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am actually really proud of this chapter. I seriously need to hire a beta reader though. But yes finding home is coming along nicely.

Ashlyn checked the address Kyle had sent her, and then stared up at the large gate in front of her. So it was evident that her new home would be protected. It was gated at the very least, and it seemed to be on a sprawling patch of land. There was a long, winding driveway that lead up to an old colonial looking mansion. 

It would have been impressive if it hadn't given Ashlyn the creeps. It looked well taken care of, but almost like it wasn't actually lived in but just meant for show. The house was beautiful, and even from the front Ash could tell that the property extended quite a way back. She wondered how her new roommate could afford such a place but she wasn't going to ask. 

Truthfully as long as her stuff was safe, Ashlyn didn't really care. The gate would keep fans and photographers away from her, and probably allow her more safety and peace then normal. She stared up at the house, and then leaned out her car to press the buzzer on the gate. Almost immediately the gate swung open and Ashlyn drove her car further onto the property. 

Getting out of her car, she snapped a picture of the house and sent it to Whitney as well as her friend Tobin. There was no way in hell she was going in there without somebody at least knowing where she was. Kyle had told her that it would just be her and his sister, however she wanted to be prepared for the worst. 

Approaching the door, Ashlyn squared her shoulders. She had settled for a Washington Spirits t-shirt, as well as a pair of jeans. She was hoping that she could make a good impression, if the girl turned out to be a decent person than maybe living here wouldn't be so bad. It seemed spacious enough anyways, that they wouldn't really have to bother each other. 

Before she could even really knock the door opened. Ashlyn lifted her gaze, her eyes landing on a rather petite brunette. For a few seconds nothing was said, the duo merely stared at each other before Ashlyn slowly offered her hand. 

Kyle had warned Ashlyn that until Ali could trust her she needed to not make to many quick movements. Ali was skittish and would need some time to warm up to Ashlyn. The blonde keeper had made a joke about his sister being a cat, and had only received a tight lipped smile in return. 

Ali stared down at her hand, and then slowly shook it. "You must be Ashlyn Harris, my brother told me to expect you." Ali released her hand and then stepped back, to allow the soccer player inside. 

The keeper slowly wandered inside, and let out a low whistle at how nice and organized everything was. The place was huge, it almost had a minimalist sort of feel to it. The sofa and everything in the front part of the house was spotless, it hardly looked lived in. The walls were a deep blue, and Ashlyn wondered if that was Ali's favorite color. 

"You have a lovely home." Ashlyn commented, trying to be friendly as she turned to look back at Ali. 

The other girl seemed a tad uncomfortable, she wasn't used to allowing strangers into her home. This was her safe space, and she was intent on keeping it a safe and pure place. Ali shuffled from foot to foot, and then gave a quick nod of her head. 

"I like it." The words came out of Ali's mouth more like a matter of fact than actually anything else. Ali could hear Kyle's voice in her head, bouncing around, telling her to try and be polite. She grimaced and then tried to school her features into what she hoped was a friendly look. 

To Ashlyn, the attempt on Ali's part to smile, seemed more like a look of genuine pain. She felt bad for her, she wasn't sure how to make this an easier on her. Stuffing her hands into her pockets, she tried to make herself smaller in an attempt to not be as frightening to the girl. 

"So Kyle said you were looking for a place to live." Ali attempted a conversation starter, she figured they might as well rip the bandage off and get to the real reason that she had a stranger in her house. 

Meeting Ali's gaze head on, Ash gave a nod. "Yeah, I recently got traded to the Washington Spirit Football Club." She explained, gesturing to her shirt. She wasn't sure if Ali would know what that was, so she decided to give a bit more of an explanation. "I play professional soccer, so I play for the Spirit, but I am lucky enough to play for the United States National Team too." 

Ali nodded once before tilting her head, it had always been her dream to play on the National Team. Hell if she hadn't of been assaulted at the party and too afraid to leave her house in another life maybe her and Ashlyn would have been on the same team. 

"I know." Ali nodded her head, which earned her a confused look from the athlete. "Kyle mentioned it, and I may have looked you up." 

"You googled me?" Ashlyn asked, a small smirk coming to her face. 

Ali's eyes narrowed, and she folded her arms across her chest. "Don't let it go to your head. I don't let just anybody into my home." She mumbled her tone clipped.   
The blonde was a bit taken back by Ali's response. She just stared at her, really taking a look at the girl. Ali was attractive sure, but she seemed to be really guarded. Ashlyn had a feeling that maybe if the girl loosened up and didn't look like she had a stick up her ass that they could at least be friendly. 

"So you travel a lot for your games?" Ali didn't like silence, even more so when that silence meant that she was being stared at. It made her skin crawl and her feel as though she had been punched in the gut. She had been stared at enough during the trials, a jury deciding the fate of her attackers based on their own bias. The boys may have had a bright future in college but they had taken hers and for that they deserves to rot. Even thinking about it made Ali's jaw clench as she felt the walls of the room start to close in. 

Ashlyn could sense that Ali was having some kind of moment. "Um, yeah actually. I travel a lot, I've been to a lot of different countries." She explained, trying to help diffuse whatever was going on in the tan girl's mind. 

"Okay." Ali seemed to accept that shred of information without really having to think about it. "Well your stuff will be safe here, I'm always here and you saw the gate outside." 

The soccer player considered Ali for a moment, feeling awkward just standing in the front room. "Can I see where my room will be?" 

Ali grunted in response and then turned not even waiting to see if Ashlyn would follow. Ali lead the way up the stairs to the second floor. The stairs opened up right in the middle of the second floor hallway. "If you go to the right, all of that is yours. You have your own bathroom, linen closet, bedroom and office. Everything to the left is mine. I would appreciate if you stayed out of my side of the hallway." 

Ash raised a brow, but she wasn't going to protest. If Ali didn't want her crossing over to the other side of the hallway then that was her business. At least they would be far enough away not to really bother each other. 

"Downstairs we have a laundry room, a kitchen, pantry, living room, and a TV room." Ali continued, she felt like her home was big enough that they could both exist and not really have to bother each other. She tried to think of anything else that she needed to let Ashlyn know about. "I have a decently sized garage, I don't know how many cars you have but..." She trailed off and shrugged. 

That drew a laugh from Ash. "I maybe a professional athlete but I don't get paid like one. I just have a jeep." The blonde explained, before a thought dawned on her. "What's in your backyard?" 

Ali gave a tiny smile at the question, and honestly Ashlyn felt like she had been shot. Even a small smile on Ali's face was beautiful, and it took a whole minute before Ashlyn managed to tune back into what the girl was saying. 

"...So yeah there is a pool that you are more than welcome to use, a hot tub, and I have a little building in the back, it's stacked with gym equipment. I don't get out much so I have to stay healthy some way. If you have any workout machines, you are more than welcome to bring them. You can use the little gym too." 

Ashlyn felt her jaw dropping, she wasn't sure how she had lucked out. Not only would she be getting a place with somebody who would protect her stuff, but the backyard had a gym building? This almost felt too good to be true. 

"So how much is my portion of the rent going to be?" Quite honestly Ashlyn wasn't sure she would be able to afford her half. The place was way bigger than her home in Satellite Beach. 

Pursing her lips as she thought about it Ali shrugged. "The average price of an apartment is about a thousand bucks per month in DC, so I guess an even thousand will do. Also you have to do the grocery shopping every other month, and you're responsible for cleaning up after yourself." 

Blinking and just shaking her head, Ash couldn't help but laugh. "You have yourself a deal then." She offered her hand to Ali who after a moment of hesitation shook it. Ashlyn was curious if there were any other house rules. "Anything else I need to know?" 

"I would prefer it if you keep any... 'company' you may have in your part of the house. The common areas are fine, but please be respectful of the fact that I have to live here too. If you're going to have a large party please let me know, I will stay out of your way and in my room. As long as you're respectful I should see no problems arising between us." Ali replied, ever the business woman. She wasn't Ashlyn's mom, and as long as the girl acted like an adult there wouldn't be any issues. 

"Okay one last question." Ashlyn announced, earning a slight grimace from the other girl. Ali hadn't had much contact with anybody outside of her family and the people who worked for her. She had forgotten how taxing it was to talk to strangers and continue conversations. 

"What is your question?" Ali asked, trying to keep her tone civil. 

Giving the biggest shit-eating grin she could muster Ashlyn looked her square in the eyes. "When can I move in?" 

Ali had a feeling that this soccer player was going to drive her crazy, at least she was easy on the eyes. "I guess as soon as you're packed and ready too." She replied shrugging. She walked Ashlyn to the front door, ready to kick her out and be alone for some peace and quiet. 

Ashlyn gave a soft hum of understanding. "Alright I will finish packing my stuff, and then I will let you know. I have a game out of town this weekend with the national team but I should be ready to move in when I get back." 

"Well just let me know if anything changes. Good luck on your game Ms. Harris." 

Ashlyn crinkled her nose and turned to respond to Ali, right as the door slammed shut in her face. "It's.. Ashlyn. It's just Ashlyn." She sighed and headed back to her jeep. 

She couldn't get a real good read on Ali, but she hoped that Kyle's sister would eventually warm up a little bit. If she didn't then it could turn into a miserable situation and Ashlyn didn't want that.


	4. Cookies and Brownies are a start to melting the great divide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashlyn moves in and Ali is awkward as hell still. (ft some of the other gals who help Ash move in)

"So what is she actually like?" 

The fact that Ashlyn had been unusually quiet at the house, and part of the way to the national team camp, was just downright strange. So it wasn't any surprise that Crystal Dunn had picked up on it. Crystal was a close friend on both the national team and the Spirit, and she had known Ash long enough to know something was up. Ashlyn being quiet for long periods of time was unnerving to say the least. 

"What is who like?" Ashlyn finally asked after a moment, finally breaking out of her daze to realize that she was being talked to. Her voice sounded a bit tired, as if she was weary. Ali wasn't the only one who could do a background check. Ashlyn had stayed up all night, trying to figure out about the girl she was moving in with. 

She had seen the news reports that were on youtube, she had read every article with the words Ali Krieger in it. The girl had had a promising future at Penn State, she could have been one of the best and then due to the selfishness of others the girl had withdrawn. Ashlyn felt her heart breaking for Ali, and as much as she wanted to continue reading she felt like this was a piece of Ali that the girl deserved to have. Ali deserved to have some of her power returned, some control over who knew the intimate details of her life. 

"The girl you moved in with, Whit was saying that you are moving in with a girl. I didn't know you were dating anybody." Crystal shot her a look as if to ask why Ash was keeping stuff from her. The forward felt like she had a close relationship with Ashlyn and she didn't like not being in the loop about stuff. 

Ashlyn's eyes bugged out comically and she rapidly shook her head. "No, no, no! I am not dating her, I just... Whitney basically kicked me out and told me I need to get my own place to live. So we found this guy who was renting out a room for his sister Ali. She is the one I am going to be living with." 

Crystal looked confused and shook her head. "Are you sure that is safe?" 

"What are we talking about, what is safe?" Allie Long questioned as she plopped down right next to Ashlyn. They were bus buddies ever since Tobin had started sharing with Press. 

"Nothing Pookie, don't worry about it." Ashlyn mumbled, shooting Crystal a warning look. 

The forward rolled her eyes and looked to Allie. "You need to talk some sense into your girl, she is moving in with a stranger." Crystal had no issues with tattling on Ashlyn to Ali. 

"Snitch!" Ash huffed, folding her arms across her chest. 

"Wait what?! Pookie, you don't know who you are moving in with?" Allie looked concerned, and bit her lip giving a disapproving shake of her head. 

Ashlyn didn't much like being judged, she never had. "It was Whitney's idea, she's the one who kicked me out of her house!" Ashlyn complained, shooting a glare at her best friend as Whitney turned around in her seat to glare at the trio. 

Whitney moved to sit closer to her little squad of friends and chuckled humorlessly. "None of you have the right to say shit, unless you want Ashlyn sleeping on your couch?" 

Both Allie and Crystal glanced to the floor of the bus and shook their heads. Neither of them really wanted Ashlyn to live with them for a long period of time. The girls all adored each other, but there needed to be time apart or else fights and drama would happen. 

"That is what I thought." Whit muttered before looking to Ash and nudged her. "You have been quiet lately though, so tell us about the girl." 

It took Ashlyn a minute, she was sifting through the information she had acquired about the girl in her mind. She wasn't entirely sure what she wanted to share and what she didn't, a lot of that was probably really personal and not hers to talk about. 

"She's kind of strict in a way..." Ashlyn wasn't sure that was the proper way of describing Ali Krieger. 

Allie's eyes widened and she lit up. "Oohh like a sexy librarian then?" 

Looking a tad disgusted Ashlyn crinkled her nose and gave a firm shake of her head. "No more... uptight. She's kind of particular and she has a list of guidelines I guess you could call them." 

"So she is like that guy from fifty shades of grey?" Crystal supplied, eyes sparkling with mischief. "I knew you were a kinky girl." 

Ashlyn paled and shook her head. "Oh hell no. Look she's just different. She seems shy and kind of stuck in her routine. I think me living there will be a good chance to learn skills that I am lacking." Ashlyn rubbed the back of her arm, feeling awkward about thinking of Ali as a dominatrix. 

Sure the other girl was hot, but she seemed to have her walls up. Besides after what had happened to Ali, Ashlyn didn't want to violate her by even thinking about it. It made her feel guilty and she felt horrible for all the crappy things that had come to pass in her new roommates life. 

Crystal gently pinched Ash's cheek and gave it a little tug. "Awww look at you, all grown up. I'm so proud." She announced wiping away fake tears, causing both Whit and Allie to burst into laughter. 

Ash rolled her eyes and then leaned back in her seat. "Hey so are you three down to help me with moving day? I figure I would move after camp and I could always use some extra hands?" She was looking hopeful. 

Whitney gave her a pat to signal that she was in, besides she wanted Ash's stuff out of her garage sooner rather than later. Crystal nodded as well, she wanted to meet Ash's mysterious roommate. 

Looking to her other friend Ash looked at Allie giving her a pleading look. "You'll help too Pookie?" 

Allie gave a small pout as if she really had to think about it. "I'll see what Harry is up too, and if she is free then you'll have the both of us. Besides knowing her, she'll need a break from pining over both Alex and Christen." 

The keeper laughed under her breath and looked to where Tobin was sitting. She was sitting next to Christen, holding her hand while her other free hand was holding Alex's. Oh yes, it was a complicated situation indeed and Ashlyn was thankful she had no part in it. 

Letting out a sigh of relief Ashlyn closed her eyes. She felt like it could be a good team bonding thing, so long as she didn't inevitably freak and piss off her new roommate. She would try to keep the amount of people coming to her new place small, Ash felt partly like she needed to put Ali at ease. 

Right now however was time to focus on soccer. Ashlyn wanted to prove that she was deserving of the number one goalkeeping position, and she wasn't about to let anybody stop her. So she did what she always did during camps, which was push everything that wasn't soccer to the back of her mind.  
\---  
"She invited company over Kyle, as in there is more than one strange person coming into my house today." Ali's voice contained just an edge of panic. She was trying to keep calm, trying to remember how to breathe.  
At least Ashlyn had asked and given her a heads up of at least twenty-four hours. The keeper had called to tell Ali that she had invited some friends over to help her move all of her stuff from Whitney's house to the new home they shared.  
"Kyle are you listening to me?" Ali asked, irritatedly tapping at the screen of her phone. She could hear her brother rustling in the background before he came back on the line. 

Kyle had done his best to be calming, he still blamed himself for what had happened, but he needed her to at least try and take some positive steps herself. "Ali, you gotta trust her. I know trust has to be earned, but so far she's been respectable. She came alone and was polite when you two met one on one. She even gave you a twenty-four hour notice that she was bringing people..." He trailed off, feeling like he had made his point. 

Okay, so her brother had a point. Ashlyn could have been an asshole and just brought people over without warning. She had made an attempt to honor Ali's rules and that actually earned her some brownie points. 

"I should try and clean or something." Truthfully Ali's house was never really dirty, but it was an excuse to get off the phone and think. Ali was a pro at over thinking, she'd probably have a degree in it. She didn't wait for her brother's response before she hung up the phone and began to pace back and forth in her kitchen. 

If her new roommate could try and put in an effort maybe Ali could too. She wasn't sure how to deal with in-person conversations, she figured a lot had changed in the two years that she hadn't really left her house. However she knew one thing that wouldn't change, most people like chocolate and so did Ali. She had quite the stash and maybe if she shared, that would be enough to show that she was trying to be friendly. 

\----  
"Mmmm I smell chocolate and brownies." Crystal announced as she stepped past Ashlyn into the house. Her arms were loaded with a box, a box that she almost dropped as she took in the sight of the inside of the house. "You live here?!" She squeaked, her voice layered with both excitement and disbelief. She glanced back at Ashlyn, and wasn't really looking where she was going when she collided with Ali who had just walked out of the kitchen when she heard the front door open. 

Ali's eyes widened in fear as a strange person she didn't know, carrying a large box bumped into her. She knew Ashlyn was inviting guest over and yet she still wasn't fully prepared. 

"Oh my bad." Crystal apologized, taking a step back. Truth be told the forward had never seen anybody looking so frightened to see her. Ali's mouth had fallen open like she was going to say something, and then clamped shut so tightly that Crystal though the poor girl's jaw was going to break. 

Ashlyn who was watching the exchange, stepped forward and placed a hand on Crystal's back, pulling her a few more paces back and away from Ali. "Hey, um this is my teammate Crystal." 

Crystal set her box down and offered a hand slowly to Ali. "Crystal Dunn, dance enthusiast, and a brownie lover." She winked at Ali, who was busy staring at her hand before finally shaking it. 

It was then that the rest of the girls started to file in, all of them carrying boxes or other items of Ashlyn's. Ali backed up a few feet, trying to put some distance between herself and the strangers. This was her safe place and now there were at least seven people that she didn't know. 

Ashlyn wasn't sure what to do, but then Allie Long merely smiled as she watched the other girl. She nodded to the girls. "Hey why don't you all take the boxes up stairs for Ashlyn." She suggested softly. 

The blonde keeper looked confused, but lead her teammates up the stairs, leaving the two girls behind. Krieger stared at Long, and Long stared right back the smile never wavering from her face. 

"I take it you're not a fan of big crowds" The soccer player asked, her smile taking on a softer edge. 

Ali shook her head, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. "I don't like a lot of people I don't know around me. I don't really know any of you." Ali explained, before she heard the timer to the oven ding. 

Allie watched her before nodding. "Well my name is Allie too. But people call me Long or Pookie." She explained, trying to put the control and power into the brunette's hands. Allie knew that maybe with some understanding and kindness she could give the other woman a little confidence. 

"Um, people call me Krieger or something like that. It's German for warrior." Ali scratched at the back of her arm, before swallowing thickly. She could hear the oven beeping, and she felt the need to check it. 

Allie Long gave a tiny nod. "Hey why don't you check the oven okay? I'll stay right here, I won't move." She didn't want to startle the other girl. She could hear Ashlyn and the rest of her teammates upstairs, but her focus was on Ali. 

Unsure if the soccer player could be trusted, Ali slowly backed away and check on the brownies in the oven. She removed them from the oven as well as her little tray of cookies. This was her attempt at giving Ashlyn a welcoming gift. 

Returning to the room, Ali stared down at her shoes. "I...I made cookies and brownies for Ashlyn and your friends. I... I wanted to welcome her I guess." Ali said, her voice unsure and full of anxiety. She didn't know these people, they would probably think she was weird or something. 

Long gave her a huge grin. "Whoa I should be your roommate if you can bake like that. I love cookies and brownies. Thank you for thinking of us and making them." She said soothingly, she was trying to speak soothingly. She wasn't trying to be offensive or baby the girl, but she didn't want to spook her either. 

"It was no problem." Ali could hear the girls starting to come down the stairs, and the panic look entered her eyes once more. "I am just going to go to my office now. Um have as many cookies or brownies as you all want." She started to leave but she she felt trapped. Allie was in her way still, and the other girls were still coming down the stairs. 

"Before you go, would you like a cookie? You're more than welcome to stay." Allie offered, before earning a nod from Ashlyn and the rest of the girls. 

"By all means, eat with us. You slaved over a hot stove, it's the least we could do." Christen pipped up, giving Ali a friendly little grin as well. "I'm Christen Press, this is my girlfriend Tobin and my other girlfriend Alex Morgan." Christen knew that her statement would be a lot to take in but really from what Ashlyn had told her, the girl hadn't left her house in two years. Christen didn't think Ali would judge, but even if she did who was she going to tell? That situation in it's self was complicated, life was just complicated in general anyways. 

Ali looked hesitantly from face to face, and then at Ashlyn. She once again seemed to shrink back, as if trying to fold in on herself. "I... I think you should all just enjoy the cookies." She stammered, before hurrying up as fast as she could to her room. 

Crystal looked at the group and then to Ashlyn. "Maybe you could save her two cookies and a some pieces of the brownies." She suggested. It was evident that the group was willing to try and go slow to meet Ali where she was at. They didn't want to push too far and traumatize the poor girl any further. 

Ashlyn watched the girl's retreating form and then looked to her friends. "Okay Press, Alex why don't you guys start unpacking the stuff in my room. Tobin, Crystal and Allie make sure that we got everything out of the truck. I'll go check on my roommate." 

Whitney was watching and folded her arms across her chest. "What do you need me to do?" 

Looking at her closest friend Ashlyn tried to think. "Give me a peptalk?" 

Whitney laughed and followed her into the kitchen. "You know you can make friends with her, you just need to be patient. Ash, you just bought six people she has no clue about." Whitney was trying to help explain it. 

Ash knew the girl was correct, maybe all of this was overwhelming to Ali. She hadn't meant to scare her, she just needed help moving all of her stuff. Making Ali a plate of cookies and brownies, she made a glass of milk too and set them all on a tray. 

"Just be yourself, be loving and kind. You can make a difference." Whitney assured her, before going to help their other friends with the projects that Ashlyn had assigned to them. 

\--- 

Balancing the cookies and the milk Ashlyn made her way up the stairs. She hesitated as she got to the second floor, knowing that one of Ali's rules was not going into her side of the hallway. She figured it would be okay if she just took the items to the girl and then left. She knocked on the older girl's door and waited. 

After a moment Ali opened the door a crack, and realizing it was Ashlyn opened it a little wider. "Is something wrong?" She asked, her voice tension filled. 

Ash shook her head and held up the tray. "I just thought maybe you would like some. My friends can eat a lot and I just wanted to make sure you got some." 

It was clear that Ali didn't trust the soccer player, she looked like a deer in headlights. Ali knew that her brother would want her to trust Ashlyn and give her a chance. 

"Okay." Taking the cookies, Ali attempted a genuine smile. "I appreciate you thinking of me." 

Ashlyn gave her a warm smile in return and nodded. "Of course, thank you for making them in the first place." 

Ali's smile widened just slightly. "You're welcome, good night Ashlyn." She replied before shutting the door once more. 

It was a start at least, Ashlyn wanted to keep working on bonding with Ali. Maybe together they could find some common ground so that they'd at least have a few things to talk about when Ashlyn was home from camps and training.


	5. A cold is never fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After 3 months of living together, Ash gets a cold, and Ali steps into help her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are all enjoying this story, please come hit me up at Krashlynpride on Tumblr. I would love to talk about the story, I am friendly I promise. Let me know if you're enjoying the story.

It had been close to three months of Ali and Ashlyn living together, and honestly, it was going alright. Ashlyn spent a lot of time traveling with the national team and the Washington Spirit. It made things easier because Ash wasn't around to really interfere with Ali's day to day schedule. They didn't cross paths enough, and when they did they were both civil towards the other. 

However, it was nearing the offseason and the Washington Spirit had a bye week. This meant that Ash was finally home and allowed to relax, except she wasn't relaxing. The goalkeeper had come down with a horrible cold and just couldn't get comfortable in her bed. She had wandered downstairs and was sitting on the couch, the girl was sweating and coughing up a storm. 

Ashlyn was feeling like death had run her over with a pickup truck and then backed up to finish the job. She wasn't sure she had ever felt quite this bad before. She tried to keep her coughing down so she wouldn't disturb her housemate, she didn't want to get on Ali's bad side. 

Ali, however, could hear the girl coughing. She tried to ignore it, it had been two years of not really being around a lot of people. Having to deal with somebody sick, the brunette felt unsure of how to offer her assistance or even if she should say anything. Finally, she was unable to take it any longer, and so standing up she headed down the stairs. 

"Do you want some soup or some Gatorade?" Ali asked as she stared at the pitiful figure on the couch. Ali shifted awkwardly from foot to foot, she wanted to provide some sort of comfort or connection, but she felt unable to do so. 

Ashlyn lifted her head and glanced at the typically shy woman. "You don't have to do that for me. I just need to lay here for a few minutes. I am not feeling well." Ashlyn's words were broken up by sporadic coughing. 

Ali frowned as she approached Ashlyn, almost hesitantly she lifted a hand and pressed it to the girl's forehead. "You are really hot." She commented, concern filling her voice. 

"That's what the girls tell me." Ash attempted to joke but groaned in pain. She felt so sick to her stomach, she wasn't even sure how she had ended up with a cold. Her throat felt as though it was on fire, and her head was pounding. 

Ash's statement earned a frown from Ali, but Ali went and got a thermometer anyways. Ali wanted to shock the girl's comment up to her being sick, besides she wasn't sure if she could handle Ashlyn's remark. 

Taking the girl's temperature, a soft sigh escaped Ali's lips. "You're running a temp Ashlyn, let me see if I can find some medicine for you." Ali went to her freezer and pulled out a popsicle, wanting the girl to be able to get some liquids and break the fever. 

Ashlyn took the popsicle and began to suck on it. She didn't know why Ali was so eager to take care of her, the only person that had ever really done something like this for her was Whitney and her grandma. It actually meant a lot to Ash, more than she could express. Honestly, she felt like it was all just a dream that she would wake up from. 

Ali returned a bit later from the kitchen to see Ashlyn dosing off on the couch, she had finished the popsicle and was loosely holding on the stick. Ali couldn't help but smile at that because it reminded her of something Kyle would do. She gently tapped Ashlyn on the shoulder before backing off, not wanting to get hit if the girl jolted awake. 

"What's going on?" Ashlyn mumbled, her head still pounding. 

"I need you to come sit at the table for a minute, I made you some chicken noodle soup and a cup of watered down Gatorade. " Ali explained, before offering a hand to the blonde. She tried her best to give an encouraging smile. "Take my hand if you need help getting up." 

Ashlyn took her hand and pulled herself up. "If you say so." She let Ali lead her into the kitchen, Ashlyn wanted to fall and not get back up. 

Ali helped Ashlyn into the share and then nodded to the food. "Try and eat slowly, don't rush yourself." She warned, before going into her pantry to find some cold medicine for Ashlyn. Finding some cold and sinus medicine, she set it on the table for the keeper. "Here take this after you've eaten a little bit, you are allowed to have some more at noon, but don't worry if you're asleep. I can remind you when you wake up." Ali hesitantly patted her shoulder and then quickly left the room. 

It took Ashlyn a while to eat, drink her Gatorade, and take her medicine. By the time she had done all of that, it was easy to say that the keeper was tired. She curled up on the couch, drifting back off to sleep. Ash slept for three hours and woke up, feeling overheated again. She groaned in pain, her hand shifted to her head. 

Almost immediately Ali was back at her side with a damp washcloth. From what Ash could tell, there was a war going on in Ali's head, but whatever was going on Ali ended up sitting on the end of the couch near Ash's head. Slowly she placed the cloth on Ash's forehead and began to rub her temples. 

To Ali this felt far too intimate, they hardly knew each other. She couldn't just leave her suffering though, so Ali tried to put her feelings of discomfort to the side. Ashlyn needed her to be there, and it was the least Ali could do. 

Turning on the TV, Ali let the channel remain on a stupid soap opera that was on. Ali would never admit it, but she liked her soaps, they made her feel like she was connected to something. Ashlyn was starting to doze off at the feeling on Ali's fingers on her temple. She had wanted to protest to her roommate, explain to her that it wasn't worth the risk of making Ali uncomfortable or triggering her. However, the faint scent of Ali's perfume and the soothing way her fingers worked against Ash's temple had her relaxed. 

Ali was so engrossed in the show that she almost didn't hear the soccer player talking. She glanced over at the player and raised a brow. 

"Did you say something, Ashlyn?" 

"Yeah, I was asking you why you liked soap operas," Ashlyn responded weakly, it was clear that she was about to pass back out at any minute. 

Ali gave a genuine smile and shrugged. "It was something that I used to do with my mom. I would come home from school, and we would watch the episodes together. She loved General Hospital so I guess that is my favorite one." 

A tiny smile crossed Ashlyn's face, making her look peaceful. "Your mom spent time with you? That is really cute. I wish my mom would have watched TV with me." 

Ali looked confused and tore her gaze away from the TV. She realized she didn't know a lot about Ashlyn, sure she had googled her, but there was still a lot to learn. She was about to inquire further in regards to the blonde's mother, but when she heard a soft snore she realized she had missed her chance. 

Staring at the girl's sleeping form, Ali continued to rub her temples for a while longer. Ali was thankful the girl's coughing had subsided but she decided she would keep an eye on her for a while longer. 

Ali wasn't ready to spill her own guts when it came to Ashlyn, but maybe there was more emotional depth to the athlete than Ali had originally thought. Maybe when Ashlyn got better, they could talk a little bit more, and actually become decent friends. Taking one last glance at her new friend, Ali shifted her gaze to the TV. There was a feeling in her gut that she'd be taking care of Ash until she felt better.


	6. One step forward and two giant ones back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some bonding, some mistrust, something is gonna have to give.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys, I am really in love with this story and I hope you all are enjoying it too. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this latest update. I had some extra time to update so that's why you all got spoiled. Just a heads up and a warning, there is some mentions of the sexual assault that Ali went through at the end of the chapter so just be aware.

Ashlyn hadn't expected to find common ground with Ali through soap operas, but she had spent the last forty-eight hours catching up on as much General Hospital, One Life to Live, and All My Children as she could. The shows weren't even that good but she was invested in a weird way, it was mind-numbing television. 

Ali had taken good care of her, making sure that she was drinking enough fluids and taking the cold medicine so she could heal up faster. Ali herself didn't want to get a cold, so she had upped her intake of vitamins and had been extra cautious about letting Ashlyn breathe on her. 

 

"So you mean to tell me that this bitch died and the somehow didn't die and came back as a twin?" Ashlyn's voice was rising with each word, she spoke as she stared at the screen. 

Giggling the brunette nodded. "She has a tendency to do that, you should see the messaging boards for the soap operas." 

Ashlyn looked confused and then smirked at Ali. "You're such a nerd, you probably are famous on the messaging boards huh?" 

Ali shifted uncomfortably and shrugged. "I dabble, I like a good show." It wasn't like she got out much, her only real contact was with people online or when the people came to clean her house. Sure she talked to Kyle and her family, but nobody really had a deep friendship or relationship with Ali. 

Sensing that she had potentially overstepped a bit, Ashlyn backed off and nodded to the screen. "So what's the deal with him?" She asked pointing to a character on the screen. 

Thankful that the conversation had moved off of her, Ali lit up. "That is Jason, the old actor that used to play him was a dream boat. But yeah, he used to belong to this rich family and then he lost his memories and became a mafia hitman. It turns out that he's a twin and that his brother Franco was adopted and then later tried to kill him and kidnap his son, which would be Franco's nephew." 

Ashlyn felt like her head was going to explode from the influx of knowledge and just waved her hand. "Okay, I think I am gonna take a break from the soap operas. I feel like I've missed too much." 

Ali nodded mostly because she could relate. Most of the shows had been on for as long if not longer than she had been alive. "You kind of just gotta jump in and learn from there." Ali mused, clearing her throat. 

"I should probably go work out, my coaches won't play me if I am overweight and not fit." Ashlyn wasn't feeling a hundred percent, but she knew better than to let her fitness slip. If she wanted to keep being the number one goalkeeper than she had to earn it. 

If Ali was concerned she didn't voice it, she didn't think it was her place. She merely gave a hum of acknowledgement before turning her attention back to the tv.   
\---   
As Ashlyn headed out to the backyard gym to work out, she checked her phone to see that she had a few text messages and missed calls from Whitney. She pressed the call button, deciding that she should see what the girl wanted. 

"So you are alive. I was about to send a search team to the house, I thought your new roomie had finally killed you." Whit joked, but there was some concern in her voice. Ashlyn had known her best friend long enough to know when Whitney Engen was worried. 

Ashlyn chuckled and rolled her eyes though she knew her friend wouldn't be able to see it. "You know if I was dead I wouldn't be calling you Engen. I was sick the past few days and Ali was watching over me." 

"She left her room and actually interacted with you?" Whitney's tone was filled with enough surprise that it made Ashlyn slightly uncomfortable at the implication that Ali wasn't friendly. 

"Hey... Don't do that Whitney. Ali just doesn't feel comfortable interacting all the time, do you always want to be fielding questions from the fans?" Ashlyn asked, feeling a bit defensive about her roommate. 

It took a second for Whitney to answer, probably because she was confused by the sharp reply from Ashlyn. "I'm sorry, I was just worried about you." 

Ash knew her best friend was coming from a place of concern. "There is a lot we don't know about Ali, she is really kind though. She nursed me back to health." Ash explained, thankful that at least Ali had been around to baby her and be there. 

"She nursed you ba-... Are you positive you don't have Stockholm syndrome? Because I am starting to feel like I am in a bad lesbian remake of Beauty and the beast." Whit fired back, unable to help herself. 

Ashlyn's eyes widened. "Whitney stop it!" 

The blonde defender snorted loud enough for Ashlyn to hear it. "Look I am happy you two are making friends, it's probably good for the both of you. Just be careful okay? I know how you get when you have a pet project." 

"She's not a project!" Ash protested weakly. 

Whitney snorted again, louder this time. "Ashlyn I know you. I've known you for a long time now, and I know you're full of crap. You have a savior complex. You've never met a fire you didn't think you could put out, you can't save everybody Harris." 

The keeper knew her friend was right, but she wasn't trying to fix Ali was she? "I am just trying to be her friend Engen, I promise. I was kind of hoping that maybe being her friend would bring her more out of her shell." 

Ashlyn could hear the sigh that left Whitney, the girl had been her voice of reason for the longest time. Ashlyn could be a wild card, always out to save the world even at the expense of herself. Whitney had been the first person to really invest in Ashlyn and make her see that there was to life than working yourself for somebody else's cause. 

"Why don't we hang out tonight Whit? We can go out for drinks or something?" Ashlyn offered, she had missed her best friend. It wasn't like they got to hang out as much as they used to, considering that Ashlyn no longer lived with the girl. 

"Fine, we can go out. Nothing too wild but maybe we can grab Steph Labbe and some of the other players. I know Dunn would love to see you. It'll be good to go out." Whit reasoned, before actually getting into the idea. She had missed her best friend and Ashlyn knew it. "Don't bail on us Harris, we know where you live now." She joked, before hanging up. 

Ashlyn sighed softly and slid her phone into her pocket. She figured she could get in a quick workout and then shower before meeting her friends. There was a piece of her that wanted to invite Ali, but she knew that the girl wouldn't leave the house. Besides, it would probably only make the brunette feel bad and that was the last thing that Ashlyn wanted to do.   
\--- 

It was two hours later that Ashlyn was getting ready to head out the door and go meet her friends. She saw that Ali was sitting on the couch still watching the soap operas. The blonde felt like she should at least be respectful enough to Ali to tell her where she was going. 

"Hey, Ali?!" 

"Hmm?" 

Ashlyn waited until the girl looked at her before continuing. "I am going to go out for some drinks with my friends, do you want anything? I can bring you some food back or something." 

Ali's eyes widened in what Ashlyn was sure was fear. "You are going drinking?" 

"Yes, is that going to be a problem?" Ashlyn wasn't sure what was going through the girl's mind but Ali looked rather troubled. 

Swallowing hard Ali turned off the TV. "No, of course not. You are free to do as you wish, I think I might just head to bed. Don't worry about bringing me home anything. It's been a long day so it wouldn't be worth it if I wasn't awake to eat it." Ali was speaking way too fast and mumbling a lot, and she pushed past Ashlyn as she fled the room. 

Ashlyn watched her go and rather confused as to what was going on. However, she didn't feel like it was her place to question, besides if Ali wanted some time alone Ash didn't want to encroach on that. She flinched as she heard Ali's room slam shut. 

There was a part of Ashlyn that knew she should probably stay home and talk to Ali, that she should reach out. However, she knew that the girls would want her to come out. Ash felt torn, but grabbed her keys and headed out. 

\---   
Ali watched from her window as the tail lights of Ashlyn's jeep disappeared down the street and shivered. She was almost jealous of the fact that Ashlyn could come and go when she wanted, that the girl wasn't shackled by the fear of the outside world. Ali glanced into the mirror and shook her head. She could feel the bad thoughts coming, they weren't any friend to her. 

Walking across to her door she locked it if Ashlyn was drunk she wouldn't be able to get in. Ali laughed bitterly to herself, she knew the girl could overpower her, and she didn't trust her. Ali had a feeling she wouldn't be sleeping tonight, people who got drunk made her nervous. 

All she could think about was how it felt to have those boys from college touching her, invading her space. She could recall distinctly the way their breath smelled, how they bruised her skin. They had used her and she refused to allow somebody to do that to her again. Nobody would ever be able to hurt her like that again. 

She sat on her bed and back up against the corner, bringing her knees to her chest. In her head she could hear Kyle trying to tell her to be reasonable, trying to tell her that she could trust Ashlyn to come home and not be a threat. Still the voice of fear was a louder one.


	7. You gotta have just a little bit of trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali has a breakdown and finally lets Ashlyn in a little bit.

"So you just left her..." Crystal Dunn did not look impressed by the fact that Ashlyn had left Ali all by herself. "She took care of you." Crystal pointed out, not understanding Ash's logic. 

Before Ashlyn could respond Whitney jumped to her defense. "She can't put her life on hold because her roommate is too scared to leave the house. She hung out with her a lot, she needed some time to hang out with us." 

Ashlyn sighed and buried her face in her hands. "I feel horrible, I mean I miss you guys. It's not often that we get time off to just hang out. I really do wanna get to know Ali though which is hard because most of the time she never leaves her part of the house." 

"Pookie, you gotta meet her half way. Actually, you're probably going to have to meet her more than halfway, the girl is traumatized right now." Allie Long interjected, staring at the other girls. She took a sip of her beer, and then leaned back. 

Ashlyn knew she had to find a middle ground with her friends and with Ali. She stared at the drink in front of her, she hadn't really even touched it. "I need to go home." She murmured standing up. She raised a hand when Whitney started to stand. "I love you guys, and I promise we will hang out but I need to clear some stuff with Ali first, so just plan to hang out this weekend before we leave for camp." With that Ashlyn headed out, heading back towards her home. 

She could see Ali's light on in her bedroom window and felt relieved that there was a chance the girl was still up. She went upstairs, happy that she might have a chance to talk to the girl. She hesitated as she walked down Ali's side of the hallway, not wanting to disrespect the one rule that Ali had really put into place. 

"Hey, can we talk?" Ashlyn called gently knocking on the door. She waited for a moment, there was no answer but she could hear soft sniffles and the sound of the bed creaking as Ali shifted positions. "Please Ali, I know you're awake." Ashlyn pleaded. 

Finally, the sound of footsteps alerted Ash to the fact that the reclusive girl was getting nearer. 

"Go away, Ashlyn!" 

Ashlyn was confused at the sharpness of Ali's voice. "Wait, why are you pushing me away?" 

"Have you been drinking? You need to go back to your side of the hallway Ashlyn, I don't want to talk to you or deal with you right now." 

"Ali please, come on... Don't push me away. We need to talk." Ashlyn tried to reason, she didn't want to lose the girl's friendship. She wasn't even sure why Ali was freezing her out in the first place. "Is this because I went out with my friends. I am not drunk, all I had was a sip." 

"That is what they all say." Ali laughed bitterly from her place behind the door. She made sure it was locked before sinking down to sit against it. There was no way in hell that she was going to let Ashlyn in. 

Ashlyn pressed her forehead against the other side of the door. "What are you talking about Ali? Come on just open the door and talk to me. I am sure we can work this out, whatever it is." 

"No! I am not opening the door, I told you to go away. If you don't leave right now I am calling the police." Ali warned, though more than likely she would just call Kyle and have him make Ashlyn go away. 

"What the hell Ali? What is your problem, why would you call the police? I am not doing anything, and I pay the rent so I live here! I have just as much right to be here. What is going on with you?! You're fucking crazy." Ashlyn was getting pissed off. She didn't need this shit, here she was just trying to make things right. 

The last part struck a nerve with Ali, and she scrambled to her feet. She was livid now, and she was going to make Ashlyn take it back. She threw open the door and shoved Ashlyn hard. "Take it back!" She snarled, throwing weak closed fist punches against Ashlyn's chest. 

Ashlyn was now on the defensive trying to block Ali's attempt to hit her. "Stop! What am I suppose to be taking back?!" She was so confused, and the thudding of Ali's fist against her chest and shoulders was pissing her off a little bit. 

"I am not crazy! That's what those men said when I told them to stop. They told me I was crazy, that surely I wanted them to fuck me. I didn't want it, Ashlyn, I didn't want them to touch me." Tears were streaming down Ali's cheeks, blinding her as she began to break down. 

The blonde sighed softly and loosely grasped Ali's fist to stop the girl from hitting her. "Hey, I am sorry. I know you're not crazy. I need you to stop trying to hit me though." Ashlyn commanded gently, before releasing her grip on Ali's hands. 

Ali stared up at her, it was apparent that the brunette woman was scared and hurting. "I didn't want them to touch me. They told everybody I was crazy. The lawyer said that I was ruining their futures, that it was a mistake..." Ali began to sob them, guttural sobs that seemed to echo around the hallway. 

Ashlyn wanted nothing more than to wrap Ali up in her arms and protect her from all the pain. She could feel the waves of sadness rolling off the girl, threatening to drown the both of them. 

"What about my future? I was going to be a bright star, I was good enough to be on the Penn State soccer team." Ali felt like her future had been stolen from her. She wanted to just go back into her room and hide. Her house was safe, her house was supposed to be safe at least. 

"Ali... I don't know what that is like okay? But I am not going to hurt you, I didn't move in here to hurt you. I want to be your friend." Ashlyn whispered trying to reach to the girl, trying to find a way to comfort her. 

Ali sobbed harder and slumped against Ashlyn, crying hard into her chest. Ash didn't know what to do, unsure if her touch would be well received or not. She gently wrapped her arms around the girl and rubbed her back. Ash was trying to keep her hold loose enough that she wouldn't be seen as a threat. 

"I am right here Ali, I am right here. I am not going to hurt you okay? You're safe." Ash promised her, rubbing small circles into her back. Ashlyn could feel her own anger melting away. She knew that perhaps she should try and get her roommate some help, but all she could think about was just wanting to be there. Maybe Whitney was right, she did have a hero complex but she felt like that was what Ali needed. 

Feeling Ali starting to calm down just a little bit, Ashlyn pulled away from the embrace. "Hey, why don't we go watch a movie downstairs? We can put on a Disney movie, and I can make us some popcorn okay?" 

Ali sniffled and wiped her eyes. "I am sorry for hitting you and being mean." She mumbled, knowing she had overreacted just a little bit. 

Giving her a small smile, Ashlyn shrugged. "It's not the first time I've been hit. It probably won't even be the last time, but I forgive you. Can we start over?" 

Ali nodded and headed downstairs for the movie, leaving Ashlyn to take a moment to compose herself. The emotionally charged event was a lot to take in, but she wasn't about to let the girl down. Walking down the stairs she had a feeling that they would have a lot to talk about, but for now, she was content to just turn on a Disney movie and make the girl some popcorn.


	8. hey yo it's HAO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hao bonds with Ali, in an attempt to help Ash out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short update, but I hope you like it. I've been stressed trying to figure out how I am going to pay for school. Maybe I should do a patreon. Anyways I hope you enjoy the chapter.

It had been a busy few weeks for Ashlyn, she had insisted on trying to help Ali when she could. It was hard to hear about the horribly traumatic event that had happened to the girl, but she knew it was hard for Ali. Between the National Team, and the Washington Spirit, Ashlyn had been running herself ragged. However she knew that Ali needed her help and she didn't want to let her down, it felt like there was a constant tug on her heart strings. 

One of her teammates Heather O'Reilly had noticed the strain on Ashlyn and had asked to meet Ali. HAO had a feeling that maybe she could comfort the girl, provide a friendship to her. Ash felt kind of protective over Ali, but she knew that if anybody could help Ali and be there for her than it would be Heather. 

Before inviting Heather over, Ash had made sure to ask permission. She didn't want her roommate to feel attacked or cornered, the last thing she wanted was the girl to retreat once more into her shell. Ashlyn felt like she was having to fight for every single inch of progress that she made with the girl, and it was downright exhausting. 

Heather had just arrived and it was Ali who opened the door. They locked eyes before Ali stepped back to let the soccer player into her house. 

"You must be Heather," Ali said, giving a nod in lieu of a greeting. 

Heather smiled and extended a hand. "I'm Heather O'Reilly, but my friends call me HAO." 

Swallowing thickly Ali stared at the hand offered to her, before shaking it. "My friends call me Ali or Krieger." 

"Isn't that the German word for a warrior?" Heather had done a little research on the girl that her friend was spending so much time with. 

Lighting up a little bit Ali nodded. "Yeah on my old team they used to call me Princess Warrior." She said, giving a small smile. 

It was then that Ashlyn entered the room. "Heather! It's nice to see you." Ash mused, embracing the girl with a warm hug. 

Heather patted her back and nodded to Ali. "Your friend here, was telling me about her old soccer team isn't that right Krieger?" 

Ashlyn looked surprised but grateful never the less that Heather had somehow gotten Ali to open up a little bit. "I wanna hear about these stories." She mused, leading the way to the couch. 

Ali blushed not really liking all the attention that was being put on her, but she wasn't about to pass up the chance to relive some good memories. "There isn't all that much to tell, my team was pretty good though." 

"Well, what position did you play?" Heather asked, intrigued by the girl. 

"Right back. Right side, strong side." Ali repeated the mantra, remembering the times like it was just yesterday. Playing soccer with her team had been the best days of her life. Honestly, Ali felt like her life was over and she was only twenty-six. 

Heather could see the way that Ali's emotions boiled beneath the surface. She cleared her throat and gave the girl a little grin. "You should have Ashlyn play soccer with you. I am sure she wouldn't mind, she needs all the practice she can get if she wants to be number one." 

"Hey?!" Ashlyn growled, flipping her friend off, but she knew it was true. 

Heather just laughed and shrugged. "Sorry Harris, but we both know Naeher is gaining on you and fast." 

Ali raised a brow and looked between the two of them. "Who's Naeher?" She asked quietly. 

Heather looked mildly offended. "Do you watch the National Team games or the NWSL games?" 

Ali frowned and looked down. "I kind of gave up on soccer." 

Ashlyn could see the wheels turning in her friend's head. It wasn't like they could just get Ali tickets to a game, the girl refused to leave her house. 

"Well let me assure you of this, you may have thought that you gave up on soccer, but soccer will never give up on you." 

Ali considered Heather's words and then shrugged. "Perhaps you are right. Soccer hasn't given up on me, I bet I could still play at least in the backyard." Ali admitted, deciding to just give it a chance. 

"Actually Ash has a game coming up, maybe she can score you a jersey and you can watch it from your couch," Heather suggested, wiggling her eyebrows playfully. 

"You don't have to Ali," Ash mumbled shooting a glare at Heather as if to ask her what the heck she was doing. 

Ali chewed on her bottom lip. "Oh um, I don't mind cheering you on. I would like to watch and be supportive of you."   
Ashlyn was actually pleasantly surprised that the girl wanted to spend time with her and wear her jersey. Ashlyn was doing her hardest not to picture the girl wear a jersey with her name on it. Honestly, she thought that Ali was probably going to look super cute. 

 

The girl was attractive, but Ashlyn didn't even want to think of her like that. Ali had been through enough and Ashlyn was worried that she'd make her uncomfortable if she thought of her as anything other than a friend. 

 

"If you want me to get you a jersey I will." Ashlyn offered, giving a tiny smile. 

 

"I'd like that, I'd like that a lot," Ali responded nodding.


	9. Two jerseys and a kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashlyn gives Ali a gift. Ali doesn't really know how to respond to things and makes a bold move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I really didn't think I would actually get to update a chapter of Finding Home before my vacation but the writing bug hit me. Okay for real now, I've updated all 3 of my stories in the past few days so that's gonna have to hold you for like the next 11 days. Anyways I am sorry to leave you with a cliff-hanger of sorts, but I hope you enjoy the story. 
> 
> come talk to me @KrashlynPride on tumblr. Please do I need more friends. I am lonely.

It had been a few weeks and Ashlyn felt like she and Ali were making great progress in their friendship. There were a few missed moments and Ali would start to close off again but Ashlyn was really working hard to build a trust with her. She could tell that Ali was trying as well, the brunette was kind and had tried to be a little bit more open with Ashlyn. 

Ali talked about how her dad had left when she was younger and how hard her mom had worked to get her into Penn State. Ashlyn knew it was tough on the girl, she could see how much Ali had lost. She knew that Ali had a mountain of hurdles in front of her, but maybe she could conquer them one by one. 

It was late in the afternoon when Ashlyn returned from a grueling day of soccer practice with the Washington Spirit. She was heading towards the front door when she noticed a packaged leaned against the door. She scooped it up and assumed it was probably Ali's until she saw her own name on it. 

She opened the package and lit up when she realized what it was. She had ordered two jerseys for Ali and they had finally arrived. One was a replica of Ashlyn's goalkeeper kit. The other one was a customized Washington Spirits jersey. Ashlyn had gotten some help from Kyle and designed it so that it had Ali's favorite number on the back. It also had her last name on the back, and Ashlyn was hoping she would like it. 

Logically Ashlyn knew that showing Ali the jersey with Krieger on the back could possibly cause the girl to freeze up on her. However Heather had suggested that she try and make Ali feel welcomed as a friend. Walking into the house, she decided to look for her friend. As usual, she found Ali sitting with some reading glasses on, looking through some business documents and drinking a glass of wine. 

Surprisingly was the fact that Ali was in a pair of sweats and her hair was tied back in a loose bun. Ashlyn stared at her for a full minute mostly in shock, but she was also insanely attracted to Ali in that moment. The more time that she spent with the brunette, the more Ashlyn wanted to get to know her and romance her. She understood that Ali would probably have no interest in dating, as most physical contact still made the girl freak out. 

Ashlyn almost felt guilty for crushing on Ali, she felt sort of predatory. The girl had been through so much and Ash didn't want to take advantage of it. She wanted to be there for her in any capacity that Ali would allow and feel comfortable with. 

Realizing that she was still staring at the back of Ali's head, she cleared her throat to announce her presence so the girl wouldn't feel like she was being snuck up on. 

Ali turned to look at her and smirked a little. "Hey Ash, it's nice to see you. Did you have a good day?" She asked conversationally, her reading glasses falling to the bridge of her nose. 

Ashlyn felt her words get stuck in her throat and then cursed herself out mentally for being so weird. "Oh, yeah actually I had a great day. I got home and saw that my package I've been waiting for was delivered. I got something for you." Ashlyn explained making her way over to the table. 

Looking surprised, Ali raised a brow her nose crinkling as she gave a confused smile. "You got me something? It's not my birthday or anything." 

"It doesn't have to be your birthday for me to want to do something nice for you," Ashlyn replied, picking up Ali's glass of wine and taking a small sip. She felt like she needed the liquid courage a tiny bit more than her friend did. 

"Hey! That was mine." Ali grumbled, but there was no real malice in her voice. She was blushing a little as she stole the wine glass back from Ashlyn, trying to deny the fact that the blush was caused by her hand brushing against the soccer player's. 

Ashlyn just gave her a flirty little smile and leaned back in her chair. She wasn't really the type to make somebody wait in suspense but it was fun to watch Ali get a little flustered. "Alright if you are ready..." She trailed off, waiting for a nod from Ali before she showed her the first jersey. She had decided to lead with the replica of her own jersey that way when she gave Ali the customized one the girl hopefully wouldn't freak out as much. 

Ali stared at the jersey and gently held it, looking at the front and then the back. "I didn't think you were serious about me wearing your jersey." 

Shrugging, Ashlyn couldn't help but blush a little. "I wanted you to feel included with me and my friend. Besides maybe knowing you're at home wearing my jersey will be my good luck charm. I know it would make me feel better, so you're doing me a favor." Ashlyn said sheepishly. 

Ali stood up to try it on, sliding it over her t-shirt. She turned her back to Ashlyn, and then glanced over her shoulder and winked at Ash. "How do I look?" 

Ashlyn felt her jaw dropping a little, nothing had actually prepared her for how she would feel seeing the brunette in her jersey with her hair in a bun. Thanking the deities above that Ali couldn't read her mind, Ashlyn gave a thumbs up. Honestly, her thoughts concerning the girl wearing her jersey weren't all that clean and she didn't want to make Ali feel uncomfortable. 

Seeing the reaction that Ashlyn was giving her Ali looked down. Ali wasn't stupid, she had a gut feeling that Ashlyn had some sort of feelings for her but seeing it up close and personal made her stomach twist in knots. She was excited and yet nervous all at the same time. 

"I got you something else," Ashlyn said after they had drifted into a silence. Ashlyn knew that she should just hand her the customized jersey now before she chickened out. Taking the Washington Spirits jersey she held it out to Ali, making sure that the number 11 was facing her and that the name was hidden at first. 

"You got me somebody else's jersey?" Ali didn't mean to sound ungrateful but she was a bit confused until she actually saw the name on the back of the jersey. Her name. 

Ashlyn watched Ali's face, trying to gauge her reaction to the jersey. The girl was staring hard at the Jersey like she was trying to burn a hole through it with her eyes, and Ashlyn wondered if she had made the wrong choice. 

"This is my name." Ali glanced up at her, trying to figure out what sort of thing Ashlyn was playing at by giving her that jersey. "This was my college number at Penn State before the-" She trailed off, tears pricking at her eyes. She didn't understand why Ashlyn had done this, was the girl trying to throw salt in the wound. 

Ashlyn could clearly tell that her actions while meant purely were not going over so well. "Hey wait, I am sorry. I just wanted to get you something meaningful. I didn't mean to hurt you, and I am so sorry if I did." Ashlyn felt like she owed Ali an explanation, and she hoped that the girl would understand that her heart had been in the right place. 

"I got you this jersey because you're my teammate, maybe not professionally but you help me in ways that other people don't. It was a thank you gift Ali, there was no ill-will in giving it to you. I am so sorry if I hurt you." Ashlyn didn't want to cause her any pain. That was the last thing that she wanted to do. 

Ali stared at her, her face softening. It had been a long time since somebody had done anything sweet for her like that. She stared at Ashlyn and then before she could second guess herself she leaned forward and kissed Ashlyn. It took her mind a moment to catch up with her body, but in that moment all she could think about was how Ashlyn's lips tasted like the red wine and how soft they were. They weren't forceful or hurting, they weren't full of venom. 

However, Ali's brain did catch up with her the second that a surprised Ashlyn started to kiss her back. A sudden icy blast of cold fear shot through Ali and she quickly pulled away. 

"I'm sorry- I.. I can't," Ali stammered, her face flushing as she quickly got up and fled the room leaving the jerseys on the table. 

Ashlyn could only watch in confusion as Ali fled the room. Ali had kissed her and then she had fled. Ashlyn wasn't sure what to make of what was happening and she certainly didn't want to think about Ali regretting the action. 

"Damn it!" Ash cursed, letting her head fall on the table and her shoulders drop. This was not what she wanted. They had really made progress and she didn't want to lose Ali's friendship that she had fought so hard for.


	10. Aftermath of the kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, we are getting somewhere with Krashlyn. Slow burn isn't always easy for me but I lasted this long, now we get them confronting their feelings a little bit. 
> 
> Did you miss me while I was on vacation? Because I sure missed you guys a lot. Come talk to me on Tumblr at KrashlynPride. 
> 
> Also leave kudos, reviews, tell your friends if you like it, give me a shout out. I crave affirmation so please xD
> 
> \- Becks.

"You kissed her?"

Ali could hear the excitement in her brother's voice. She had called him in a panic after kissing Ashlyn, she had locked herself in the bedroom and refused to answer the door no matter how many times the blonde had knocked. Ali felt so embarrassed and she couldn't face Ashlyn, she couldn't look her in the eyes. She had been both relieved and distressed when she heard the front door slam shut and Ashlyn's jeep pull out down the driveway.

"I kissed her," Ali admitted, trying to keep her voice from shaking. She was freaking out, and no amount of breathing exercises was helping her calm down like she wanted and needed to.

Kyle could sense his sister's distress and wanted to help her. "Okay well, how did it feel?"

Ali thought about this for a moment. "It felt okay I guess, I mean her lips were soft. She was gentle and then she started to kiss me back and I freaked out." Ali wanted to hide in her room and never come out of it again. 

Her brother sighed softly, and Ali could almost picture the disapproving frown on his face. "Look, Al, you need you figure out what you want. I know it's hard, but you can't lead the girl on and give her mixed signals, maybe if you talk to her things would be better?" He suggested gently, doing his best to treat his sister with kindness. He knew how hard it was for her to let people close.

"She is sweet and she is respectful. She tries to include me in stuff even if I don't leave the house. But who wants to date somebody who doesn't even leave the house?" Ali questioned, unsure of why she felt the way that she did.

Kyle snorted softly. "Well, she would know that you can't physically cheat on her if you never leave." 

Ali groaned and really wanted to strangle her brother in that moment. "You're a butthead sometimes, but physically is the problem. She deserves to have somebody who won't freak out at every little touch. I can't promise her that."

"If she is as kind and respectful as you say, then doesn't she at least deserve the same respect? Give her a chance and talk to her. You can't run away forever Ali, and you can't run away when you live in the same house." Kyle warned, he knew that his sister needed a little bit of a push. She had been through a lot, but he didn't want her past to have to define the rest of her life. "Look those boys stole a lot from you Ali, but don't let them steal the rest of your life. Don't let them steal your chance at a happiness. You deserve to be loved Ali, you just have to be willing to allow it when the right time comes along."

Ali knew her brother was right, it was hard to allow somebody the chance to get close enough to hurt her again though. "Can you come over and hold me Ky?"

"Of course Alex, I'll be there in a few. Just stay put okay, we'll watch stupid movies and eat some popcorn." He promised, wanting to show his sister that he could be there for her when she needed him to be.   
\---

Ashlyn had tried to get Ali to talk to her, she had sat outside Ali's room begging the girl to at least open the door so they could talk like adults. But she knew that being in the girl's space when she wasn't supposed to would only make things worse. She ran a hand through her hair and tried to relax but her mind was spinning. She had finally gotten in her car and just drove. She drove to the one place she knew would make her feel better, her safe place. She drove to Whitney's mostly because the girl could talk some sense into her.

Whitney didn't ask questions right away which made Ashlyn thankful. The defender had just opened the door for Ash, ushered her into the bathroom to shower and made her some mac-n-cheese to eat when she was done.

Ashlyn was halfway through her bowl of comfort food when she finally looked up at Whitney, tears clouding her eyes. "She kissed me and then told me it was a mistake."

"Who kissed you?"

"Ali."

Whitney looked shocked but tried to school her expression into a neutral one. "She kissed you?" She asked, fighting to keep her tone even.

"She kissed me," Ashlyn said with a nod.

"Like she kissed you? Like on the lips kissed you? Like wasn't going to wipe something off your face? Wasn't a kiss on the cheek?" Whitney was trying to understand, but she couldn't quite wrap her mind around it. 

Ashlyn groaned and slumped back against the couch. "Yes, she kissed me on the lips. It wasn't on the cheek, I don't think I had anything on my face. The girl just straight up kissed me, and then told me it was a mistake, the second I started to kiss her back." 

Whitney blinked in surprise, she hadn't seen Ashlyn this upset since the beginning of college when her girlfriend back home broke up with her. "Well okay then. So she kissed you, you kissed her back and she freaked out. Am I up to speed?"

Ashlyn buried her face in her hands, the tears starting to come to the surface once more. "I don't get it, she's so confusing. I mean I got her the jerseys and she loved them, and then she kissed me."

"Maybe she was overwhelmed with emotion or maybe she likes you and doesn't know how to process? Does she even like girls?" Whitney inquired trying to get to the bottom of things as well. 

"Who knows?" Ashlyn sighed and looked into her best friend's eyes. "Can I stay here tonight?"

Whitney sighed but waved to the guest bedroom. "Of course you can, but you can't run away from your problems Ash. You need to go back there and talk this out with her. If she likes you, then you talk about it, if she doesn't then you talk about it anyway and you move on. In a weird way you both need each other, don't let this mess the two of you up." 

Sure Whitney had her reservations about Ali and her reclusiveness, but over the months that Ashlyn had been living with the girl Whitney had seen a change for the better. Ash wasn't partying as much, and she was much more focused on her games. Whitney had seen a maturity in her best friend, and as much as she hated to admit it she kind of liked Ali too. The girl had earned a little bit of her respect inch by inch. 

\----

It was around eleven the next day that Ashlyn made her way back to the house. She felt a lot like a dog slinking home with her tail between her legs, she felt guilty but she didn't know why. Maybe she had made Ali feel uncomfortable. She was thinking that maybe she pushed things way too far. She was trying to prep herself to go in and just apologize. 

Squaring her shoulders, she climbed from the car and made her way into the house. She frowned when she saw Kyle standing by the oven in an apron just staring at her. She stared back at Kyle and cleared her throat. 

"Is Ali around, I just want to apologize for what happened last night. If she wants me to leave I'll get my stuff and go, I just want a chance to explain." Ashlyn was worried that Kyle would put up a fight or yell at her to leave. He instead calmly pointed to the back yard. 

"She's out there, she was worried that something horrible happened to you last night when you didn't come back." He explained, before chuckling bitterly. "That girl needs a Xanax, to be honest. But please go talk to my sister." Kyle's tone had taken on a begging edge. He didn't want his sister to be sad all the time, he wanted her to heal and he felt like Ashlyn could help her.

Ashlyn nodded and walked to the back of the house, heading out to the yard. She blinked in the harsh sunlight before spotting Ali with her back to her, bent over a notebook writing.

Ashlyn cleared her throat, not wanting to walk up on her and startle her. She saw Ali tense and then relax before Ashlyn worked up the courage to approach the rest of the way.

"Can I sit?" Ashlyn asked, her gaze searching. 

Ali was shaking, unable to look up at the blonde. She felt so ashamed and embarrassed for running away like she had. "It's a free country."

"That may be true, but I am asking your permission. Can I sit next to you Ali?" Ashlyn asked, she needed Ali's permission, she didn't want to invade her space or life any more than she already had.

The brunette was clearly waging an inner war inside of herself. She took a shaky breath, almost unable to get the air inside of her lungs. "Yeah, you can sit." 

Ashlyn sat down across from her. "Can we please talk about what happened last night?" 

Ali forced herself to look up at Ashlyn, she knew she owed the soccer star an explanation. "I suppose we should. I am so sorry for kissing you and running off like that." 

"I kind of liked the kiss myself." Ashlyn offered, giving her a small yet friendly smile. "You don't have to be sorry for kissing me. Can I ask why you did it?"

"I kissed you because I like you in this weird way. I'm not normal Ashlyn, I'm not new or shiny like you are. I'm broken, but when you're around you treat me like I am something to be valued. You treat me like I am a person deserving of respect. Your light fills every crack and hole inside of me, the pieces that have been chipped away by careless hands. You make me feel like I am not crazy like I am not some monster locked inside a tower of shame." Ali was doing her best to be vulnerable, expressing all of this made her feel exposed and raw. She wanted to hide, but Kyle had told her she needed to allow Ashlyn the chance to accept her, the good and the bad.

Ashlyn listened and felt her heart breaking for Ali. She wanted to hurt everybody who had ever hurt the beautiful girl in front of her. "Normal is overrated Ali. I am not new or shiny myself, you can ask anybody I am friends with and they will tell you I am a broken person as well. There is beauty in the brokenness though Ali. You aren't alone, and yeah maybe you've built your walls seventy feet high but I am right here. I am not going to just invade your castle and drag you out kicking and screaming. You have your walls up for a reason, I just want a chance to maybe prove to you that I am worth letting in." Ashlyn was trying to show her that she wasn't alone in being vulnerable.

Ali stared back at her and then slowly reached out a hand. "Why do you like me?"

"You're smart and funny, you take care of me when I am sick, you anchor me and that's what I need in this hectic life. If you wanna just be friends that is okay, but I'll take whatever you will allow." Ashlyn promised, gently taking Ali's hand in her own. She gently kissed Ali's knuckles, trying to pour all of her emotion into the simple touch. 

"Can we go slow? Maybe just hand holding?" Ali wasn't sure how to do a relationship, being cut off from contact with most people, and the assault had robbed her of her trust. 

Ashlyn gave a warm smile. "I think I would like that very much. Hand holding it is." She gave her hand a reassuring little squeeze.

Ali felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest. This was a huge leap of faith for her, but she knew she could trust Ashlyn to catch her. "I really did appreciate you buying me those jerseys."

"Well, I thought that maybe you'd enjoy them. I mean you'd look adorable in either one, but if you watch one of my games, you could be my good luck charm from home." Ashlyn wasn't expecting Ali to come watch in person, but even knowing she was watching from home was enough.

The brunette gave a small cheeky smile. "I can do that, I can watch from home and support you."

"Is it safe to come out yet?" Kyle called from inside the house. "Did you two kiss and make up?"

Ali flushed and pulled her hand away from Ash's to hide her face. She could hear Ash giggle as Kyle strutted towards the table rather over the top. "Is he always like this?" Ashlyn inquired.

"You better believe it sweetcheeks. I'll have you know I had to miss out on some beauty sleep just to make sure my sister was okay. You must be one hell of a kisser to get her into this kind of a mood Harris." Kyle grumbled, flopping in his seat like an overly tired fifties mom.

Ashlyn burst into laughter and just shook her head. She felt a lot better now that Kyle was there to lighten the mood, he had even managed to make Ali smile which Ashlyn appreciated. The Krieger smile was comparable to a nice Florida sunrise and Ashlyn wanted to see Ali smiling more.


	11. girl you got me running on sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali and Kyle get some closure and heal some. It's a bit angsty but also party time and some sweet and domestic Krashlyn, and they define their relationship and boundaries a little. 
> 
> TW: Mentions of Ali's sexual assault, mention of other rape, alcoholism, addiction, agoraphobia.
> 
> This chapter is actually kind of angsty in the middle so I am sorry. But it's a good one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote almost 4.5 words in a little over 2 hours. I feel accomplished. Anyways this chapter is kind of angsty, so be prepared but it also has some light and fluffy moments to make up for it. What happened to Ali is really traumatic and so having to carry some of that baggage is hard for her. But hey this story is all about healing and so I hope this chapter is part of that. Healing and forgiveness and a brighter future with Ashlyn.
> 
> Anyways please leave me kudos and reviews, tell your friends about the story, hell draw me some fanart I'd love that. come talk to me about your headcanons and what you'd like to see in the story. Just talk to me and let me know if you liked it, loved it, what you thought. 
> 
> Always hit me up on KrashlynPride on tumblr.
> 
> ~ Becks

Everything seemed to be going a lot better, ever since Ali and Ashlyn had their talk. It had been about two weeks and Ashlyn was feeling joyful and happy. The Washington Spirit was doing a great job and honestly, she was thrilled with how her personal life was going to. 

There was a national team game in DC, so Ashlyn had been preparing for that. She had cleared it with Ali to have some of the players come over for a bbq after the game. She knew Ali was still a bit hesitant about the people being in her home, but Ali was willing to at least try. It was also a little over half a year since Ashlyn moved in and she felt like that was worth celebrating. So this party wasn't only for the team but for her and Ali as well. They had come really far and Ashlyn felt like it was showing. 

Ashlyn had been setting some of the stuff on the grill to cook while she was at the game. She had made sure to invite Kyle over as well, that way Ali would have another safety net when the gals arrived later. She finished checking the meat and then walked inside to see Ali cutting up some watermelon. 

"Hey." Ashlyn greeted, walking over to her. It was hard not to want to kiss Ali sometimes, even more so when she was looking cute in her sundress but Ashlyn knew that going slow meant going at the pace Ali was comfortable with. Besides she knew it would mean a lot more when Ali was comfortable enough to let her in. 

Ali set the knife down and handed a piece of watermelon to Ashlyn, who ate the small bite from her hand. Ashlyn let out a soft hum of delight at the taste, doing her best not to grin at the way Ali's cheeks heated up at the sound. 

"Thanks, Ali." Ashlyn gently touched her wrist and gave her a thankful nod. "Yeah, I have to head to the stadium now. The food is on the grill, Kyle said he'd come over and watch it. The game is on channel eight if you wanna watch it, I have it recording so I can watch it later. If you need anything from the store just let me know and I'll pick it up on the way back." 

It was moments like this where everything felt really domestic that made Ashlyn really happy. Ashlyn was happy to be with Ali, they didn't often discuss what they were, they were just rolling with the punches. The keeper really felt like she was falling hard for Ali though. 

"Good luck out there Ash." Ali smiled up at her, and it was clear she wanted to say something but changed her mind. She pressed her forehead against's Ash's and gave a little squeeze to the girl's hand. "Go kick some ass." 

Ashlyn merely smiled at her, having to fight the urge to close the distance and kiss her. Ali had only kissed her once since their first kiss two weeks earlier. Ashlyn had done something cute apparently and Ali had kissed her for it. However, when Ashlyn started to kiss back Ali had panicked and stopped her, before just asking to hold hands. It was slow going, but it was so worth it when Ali would give her a real smile. 

"Alright I really do have to leave, or I'll get stuck in traffic. I'll see you later." Ashlyn gave her wrist a gentle squeeze before grabbing her duffle bag and heading for her jeep. Ashlyn needed to focus in on the game and not let anything distract her.   
\--- 

Ali watched her girlfriend go, _was Ashlyn her girlfriend,_ that was a question that she didn't quite know the answer too. Honestly, Ali wasn't sure she was ready to have a girlfriend, wasn't sure she could handle or deserve one. Feeling her mind start to spin a little bit, Ali decided to call her brother to see if he could come over a little early. 

It only took Kyle thirty minutes to get there, but Ali was happy for the company. She actually surprised him by stepping out onto her driveway and greeting him with a hug. It wasn't often that Ali even went into her front yard. The backyard had a tall fence, but the front yard was a bit more open. Kyle took it as a good sign though. 

"I like the sundress, it's very beautiful Ali." Kyle complimented, before kissing the top of her head. "Alright baby sis, why don't you show me what Ashlyn left for me to cook?" 

Ali led the way to the backyard and pointed to Ashlyn's grill. "She's almost as bad as you are when it comes to grilling. She needs everything to be perfect, I swore she polished that thing twice before she even started cooking." Ali was complaining but Kyle could tell by the tone of her voice that she was rather taken by the keeper. 

"So how are you feeling really? I know parties freak you out, you going to be okay?" Kyle inquired, looking over at her. He had tried to treat his sister with kid gloves for so long. There was still a pain in his heart and he still blamed himself for her assault. He also blamed himself for enabling her to isolate herself for so long. It was a heavy burden to bear, but he couldn't even imagine how she felt. 

Ali stared at the ground and gave a slight shift of her shoulders. "She asked permission and she gave me plenty of chances to back out. I'm sure if I called her she'd cancel the party for me, but I don't want to do that. Thankfully most of the people coming are girls, and the guys that are coming are married to or dating her teammates. Ashlyn is understanding and I feel like I owe her this, I want to thank her for being so understanding." Ali knew she could be difficult, the mental and emotional trauma didn't always make sense even to her. 

"You're happy with her?" Kyle knew he was prying too much, but he cared about Ali. He didn't want her feeling like she had to compromise her boundaries just because somebody was giving her attention and being nice to her though. 

A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips and Ali giggled softly. "I really am, Ashlyn made me waffles the other day. She sliced some strawberries and made a happy face out of whipped cream. She did it all before I woke up, and she had it waiting for me. When I look at Ashlyn I don't feel so broken or screwed up, I feel giddy and just like I matter." 

Kyle could feel tears burning his eyes, and he quickly blinked them away fully prepared to blame them all on the smoke from the grill. He could also feel Ali staring a hole into him, as well as her concern when she placed her hand on his shoulder. 

"What's wrong Ky?" 

Kyle shook his head and tried to swallow back the lump of emotion. He couldn't take it any longer though, all the guilt that he felt and had been carrying for so long. Ali could have been happy so much sooner, she could have made the national team, she was good enough. Kyle felt like he had robbed her of that future and for the first time in a while he actually wanted a drink. 

"Come on Ky, you can talk to me," Ali whispered softly, she gently reached for his hand and rubbed gentle circles on the back of it with her thumb. It was what Ashlyn did for her whenever she was feeling anxious or sad, it was calming and reassuring without being too overwhelming. 

"I am so sorry Ali." Kyle gasped out, unable to stop the flood of tears that were now streaming down his cheeks. It was like the damn had broken and there wasn't any way to stop it. 

Ali knew what he was apologizing for, she knew her brother. It stabbed at her heart and all she could do was just rub his hand softly. Kyle had to work this out and go at his own pace, it wouldn't do any good to force him to say anything. 

"If I hadn't have been selfish or an alcoholic. If... If only I had been there for you like you always were for me Ali if I had been a good brother." He broke off, unable to really breathe as he started to cry harder.   
"I don't blame you, Kyle. I mean I did for the longest time, I did. But every action has a reaction, Kyle, you weren't responsible for those guys. It wasn't your fault." Ali gently cupped his face, trying to get him to look at her. "Look at me Kyle, please?" 

Kyle was struggling but he finally managed to make eye contact with her. "I stole your future Ali, you could have been a star. You could have met Ashlyn sooner, or met somebody really great. It's my fault that you're in this house, it's a prison. You don't leave it at all Ali and it breaks my heart. It shouldn't have been you, it should have been me. I could have handled it, it wouldn't have been the first time that I got hurt for my addictions." 

Something dawned on Ali and she gently rubbed his cheek. "You got raped, Kyle?" 

Kyle was struggling to keep her gaze, he was so ashamed. "Ali, I was a gay male, struggling with addiction. I would have done anything for the next fix. All I cared about was getting high and the numbness that alcohol gave me. I wish it would have been me because then they wouldn't have broken you." He was crying again, he felt so ashamed. Ashamed that his addiction hadn't just cost him but it had cost Ali too. 

Kyle had been carrying the pain for four years, he had been at every court hearing Ali had. He had watched as she locked herself in the house, walling herself off from the rest of the world, from their family and eventually him too. His sister had always been fearless, a warrior, but they had taken it from her. Those guys had stolen her confidence from her. 

Ali tugged him into a tight hug and just held him. Ali didn't hug people now, aside from Kyle and her parents, and on occasion Ashlyn. She was hugging Kyle as tightly as she could though as if it would solve the broken pieces in both of them. She hated seeing him so pained and aching. She had never known that he got raped, but she supposed that her own issues had overshadowed his. 

She thought back to their childhood, Ali had always been a soccer star. Kyle had been an athlete but though he was older he had always been in her shadow. He was ashamed of himself and it broke Ali's heart, their dad hadn't always been the easiest man to live up too. Ali knew they were both broken, but perhaps it was time for them to both start healing. 

"Kyle... I forgive you. I don't blame you anymore okay? You don't have to carry this pain anymore Ky, it's going to be okay." She could feel him sobbing harder against her, all the pain and anguish, the guilt and shame that he had been carrying for four years and even longer weighing him down. "You don't have to be sorry anymore okay? I'm okay, we're going to be okay Ky. I forgive you." She repeated, clutching him as tightly as she could. 

"I'm so sorry Ali." Kyle clung to her, listening as she kept whispering that she forgave him and that she loved him. It was what he needed to hear. Everything had felt so heavy for so long and he wanted to move on. He knew that together they could both move on and reclaim the parts of their lives that had been taken. 

Eventually, Kyle stopped crying and his breathing even out. Ali stepped back and gently patted his arm. "Come on the game is going to be on soon, and we need to finish decorating the inside of the house. Go wash your face Bubba, I'll meet you on the couch." Ali gave him a friendly smile and then headed inside so that Kyle could have a few moments to collect himself. 

\--- 

The game went really well and Ashlyn was pleased. The USA had won against Canada 4-2, and considering who it was against the US would take the win. It was a hard fought game and as usual, it was a blood bath. Some of the gals were pretty banged up but others were just pleased to see each other. Ashlyn had even invited a few of her friends from the Canadian team to party with her at the house. Only after okaying it with Ali first. She didn't want Ali to panic if there were tons of people at the house. 

Ashlyn walked into the house flocked by some of her teammates, she felt her breath catch when she saw Ali still in the sundress, but Kyle had done her make up during the game apparently. She tried not to stare too longingly not wanting to make Ali feel uncomfortable but Ashlyn could feel her heart swelling with pride knowing that she was the one who got to hold Ali's hand. 

"Hey great game, I was just rewatching some the highlights," Ali commented, giving Ashlyn and her friends a small smile and wave. As more people made their way into the house, Ashlyn could see Ali's eyes getting slightly bigger but to her credit, Ali just tried to be as welcoming as she could. 

Kyle had wondered over to meet some of them, introducing himself and offering some of them deals on haircuts. Ashlyn was thankful for Kyle's outgoing personality, it made things so much easier for everybody. Ashlyn had already told everybody coming over to not offer beer to Kyle or Ali, and to be respectful. 

As everybody made their way outside or to check out the kitchen and the rest of the house Ashlyn moved to stand by Ali's side. She could see that Ali was a little tense and she wanted to distract her from that. 

"So you watched the game?" Ashlyn asked, figuring that was the safe and neutral territory. 

Ali gave a smile, the type where it reached her eyes and made them light up. It was one of Ashlyn's favorites and she was so distracted that she realized she had missed Ali's answer completely. Ash's eyebrows furrowed when she realized that Ali had stopped talking and was staring at her. 

"I'm sorry what?" Ashlyn asked, realizing she needed to pay attention. 

"I asked if I have something on my face, you're still staring at me." Ali's smile had turned to one of confusion and Ashlyn desperately wanted the other smile back. 

Blushing Ashlyn ducked her head and chuckled. "It's stupid really, but I was thinking about your smile and then got distracted by how really attractive you look. I'm sorry for being rude." 

It was Ali's turn to get a little flushed but she kept her eyes on Ashlyn. "You're very sweet." She mumbled, running her fingers along Ashlyn's wrist, taking her hand for a moment. 

Whitney chose that moment to walk over and ask Ashlyn where something was. Ashlyn looked at Ali apologetically and excused herself to go help Whitney find what she was looking for in the kitchen. 

"Hey, Krieger!" 

Both Kyle and Ali turned, but the call was for Ali. Heather O'Reilly was standing by the grill a huge mischievous smile on her face. "Sorry cutie, I was talking to your sister," Heather called, playfully winking at Kyle who turned back to his conversation with Sydney Leroux. 

Ali wandered over and raised a brow. "Did you need something HAO? It's nice to see you." 

"It's good to see you too Krieger. I was wondering if I could put on some music." HAO said, pulling out an iPod from her back pocket. HAO was normally in charge of tunes, and she felt like dancing. "Think your brother would dance with me?" She asked. 

Glancing to Kyle and then back to Heather, Ali shrugged. "He's gay just to warn you, so if you're trying to hit on him I'd advise against it. But yeah I am sure he'd love to dance." 

"Oh, I know he's gay. I have a working gaydar honey and he isn't exactly hiding it. I saw him glancing at Syd's husband and checking out his ass. But he looks like he can dance and I need a dancing buddy." Heather teased, before striding over to Kyle to ask him to dance. 

Ali felt like her cheeks were going to cramp up from smiling so much. She wondered if Heather had a knack for finding people when they needed a friend, she knew Kyle could benefit from having a friend like HAO. She saw some people milling around and then saw Ashlyn in the kitchen talking to one of the Canadians. 

Ali watched them and frowned a little when she saw Ashlyn giggle and the girl put her hand on Ashlyn's arm. Before she could overthink it she felt a hand touch her elbow. Ali turned and found Whitney watching her. "Oh um hey Whitney." 

"You don't have to worry about Ashlyn, I could see your brain working overtime. I thought steam was going to come out of your ears." Whitney took a sip of the glass that was in her hand. It looked suspiciously like orange juice but Ali had a feeling it had some alcohol in it. 

"Oh, I wasn't wor-" 

Whitney didn't look like she was buying it, so Ali clamped her mouth shut. Ali wasn't sure how she felt about somebody else touching Ashlyn in a familiar sort of way. It made her feel guilty because Ashlyn deserved somebody who could be with her physically and wouldn't make her wait a million years just for a dumb kiss. 

"Hey you know you may not be worried but if you were I want you to know that Ash doesn't shut up about you. I know the girl can't cook all that well, but she wouldn't shut up about how she made you waffles and you ate them. It doesn't matter how fast or slow things develop, and frankly it's none of my business, but Ashlyn cares about you. I just thought you should know." Whitney gave her a small smile and walked away. 

Ali could feel her heart beating so fast that she was sure everybody else in the party must have been able to hear it. She thought about her talk with Kyle and how it was about time that they started healing. She didn't want any more special moments to be taken from her because of the past. 

The road was going to be long and difficult but Ali could see a light at the end of the tunnel and the light was looking a lot like the United State's keeper. Ashlyn felt like sunshine and Ali wanted to soak up the rays for a little bit.   
\--- 

Ashlyn was kind of bored, to be honest, she loved Stephanie Labbe but if she had to hear about the Canadian keeper's fascination with the budding romance between some of the rival teammates she was going to go crazy. Honestly, Ashlyn didn't care if any of her teammates dated somebody from the Canadian team. Most of them played in the NWSL anyways, and Stephanie was on the Spirit with her. 

She had seen Whitney talking to Ali and then she had lost track of her girlfriend. _Was Ali her girlfriend?_ She realized she was being rude and tried to focus back in on Stephanie but her mind was drifting back to Ali. She was concerned about the girl, and she hated leaving her alone with all the people. It could be overwhelming for anybody to be surrounded by a bunch of strangers, and have them invading your safe space. 

"Excuse me Steph, I really need to go find my roommate. I need to make sure she's okay, I'll catch up with you later." Ashlyn mused, excusing herself from the conversation. She went in search of Ali, trying to locate her in the backyard where she had last seen her with Whitney. She saw that Kyle was dancing with Heather still and they were joking like old friends, Whitney was talking to Pinoe but there was still no Ali. 

Ashlyn was getting really worried that maybe Ali had run upstairs and locked herself in her room. Ashlyn wondered if she should just cancel the party and kick everybody out, she knew they were having a good time but Ali was important and this was her house too. She was starting to panic a little when she felt a hand touch her elbow. 

She held up a finger, not turning around she was trying to call Ali. The hand was insistent though and gave a gentle squeeze of her elbow. Ashlyn turned around to tell them to wait but the sight that was waiting for her took her breath away. 

Ali stared up at her with a shy expression, she had changed out of the sundress and was wearing shorts and Ashlyn's jersey. Ali's hair that was normally always tied back, was hanging in loose ringlets and she looked a little nervous. 

Ashlyn was developing a really bad habit of staring and she knew it. "Ali... Whoa." 

"Is it too much? I can go change back into my dress." Ali was doing her hardest not to second guess herself which was hard. She couldn't always read Ashlyn's expressions, the girl still felt like a mystery to her. 

"No, it's perfect. You're perfect, have I mentioned that you look really beautiful, I mean whoa." Ashlyn couldn't tear her eyes away from the girl in front of her. 

Ali smiled bashfully and nodded to the makeshift dance floor where Kyle and Heather were. "I was wondering if maybe you'd like to dance with me?" 

Ashlyn nodded and took her hand, leading her to the dance floor. If she hadn't been paying attention she would have missed Ali's signal to Whitney. She understood a second later as the song being played switched to James Arthur's 'Say You Won't Let Go'. 

"You look really beautiful in my jersey," Ashlyn commented, before realizing how that sounded. "You always look beautiful, I just mean it's nice to see you in my jersey." 

"Relax Ash, besides I wanted everybody to know that you were spoken for. I mean I'm not really the possessive type but you're mine right?" Ali asked, looking up into the taller girl's eyes. 

Ashlyn felt her pulse quicken and nodded. "Yeah, Ali. I am yours if you want me." 

Ali gave a slight smile and wrapped her arms around Ashlyn's neck so that they could dance. It felt right to be dancing with her. 

The blonde keeper gently placed her hands on Ali's hips and cleared her throat. "Is this okay?" 

"Perfect," Ali whispered before beginning to hum along to the song.   
__  
' I met you in the dark  
You lit me up   
You made me feel as though I was enough   
We danced the night away, we drank too much   
I held your hair back when you were throwing up.' 

Ali couldn't help but sing the next part, mostly because it reminded her of Ashlyn in a way. "Then you smiled over your shoulder, for a minute I was stone cold sober I pulled you closer to my chest. Then you asked me to stay over, I said I already told ya, I think that you should get some rest." She pulled back to looked into Ashlyn's eyes, she wanted the girl to really understand and hear her. "I knew I loved you then, but you'd never know. Because I played it cool when I was scared of letting go. I knew I needed you, but I'd never show but I wanna stay with you until we're gray and old. Just say you won't let go." The last couple of words were an actual plea as Ali watched her. 

Ashlyn could feel her heart breaking for the girl. "I won't let you go, Ali. I'm right here baby." Ash promised softly. 

Ali laid her head against Ashlyn's chest. She was quiet for a few minutes, just enjoying the song and the way it felt to hear the girl's heart beating. 

"Ash?" Ali waited until the keeper gave a hum before she continued. "Will you be my girlfriend?" 

"I thought I already was, but of course I would. It'd make me really happy." Ashlyn replied, rubbing her back. She wasn't sure what was going through Ali's mind, but her own was racing with possibilities. The future was always uncertain but Ashlyn knew that she wanted Ali to be a part of hers. 

"Kiss me?" 

Ashlyn wasn't sure she had heard Ali right, so she asked her to repeat what she said. 

"Kiss me, Ashlyn, please? Before you ask, yes I am sure. I am absolutely positively sure that I want you to kiss me." Ali had wanted to kiss her so bad and yeah maybe she wasn't ready for the other stuff but she wanted to taste the sunshine that was Ashlyn Harris. 

Ashlyn smiled and gently kissed her, maybe Ali was looking for the sunshine but the way Ali's hands felt in Ashlyn's hair, well that felt like home.


	12. In the pain there is healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ali finds healing with another member of her family and makes some more progress. Also some fluffy moments for Krashlyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter actually was kind of hard to write because of depression sucking and everything kind of feeling like it's not going so well. I'd appreciate all the positive thoughts you could send my way. I hope you enjoy the chapter, I worked hard on it. I think Ali finding closure with her family is going to make her a stronger person. Please let me know if you enjoyed this chapter and what you enjoyed about it. Let me know if there are things you want to see. 
> 
> Come talk to me at KrashlynPride on Tumblr.
> 
> ~ Becks

Ali was having a particularly difficult day, she had not really slept well the night before and it felt really dark. It felt worse because Ashlyn had been on the road traveling for her away games with the Washington Spirit. Ali didn't want to bother her girlfriend though, she texted as much as she could and tried to put on a happy smile. She wasn't sure she was doing a good job, but she hoped she was doing well enough that Ashlyn wouldn't feel the need to come to her rescue. 

Ali loved having Ashlyn around and she appreciated the girl being kind and gentle with her, but sometimes Ali felt more like a burden than a girlfriend. Ali knew she needed to be more appreciative of her girlfriend, but also that she needed to stand on her own two feet and not rely on just Ashlyn and Kyle. 

Still, it was a hard day for her. She knew Ashlyn was probably worried about her because the girl's replies were more gentle than usual. It meant a lot to Ali that her girlfriend at least cared about her enough to want to be kind and gentle. She wanted to tell Ash not to worry though that she could handle her own depression and she'd be fine. 

As soon as she sent that though Ash decided to face time her. Ali felt her heart lurch but accepted the call. She couldn't help but smile at the sight on the screen. It was clear Ashlyn had just taken a shower recently her hair was wet and hanging down. 

"Hey, baby." Ash greeted, a huge smile lightening up her features. 

Ali's smile only grew, her heart seemed to beat faster at the term of endearment. "Hey Ash, is something up?" 

Ashlyn's smile faltered just slightly. "Actually I thought something was up with you. I wanted to see with my own eyes that you were okay, but I got something for you. It should be arriving anytime?" 

"It's not you is it?" Ali tried not to sound hopeful, she was missing her girlfriend. 

"Awh I wish baby but no it's not me. I hope you'll like it though and that it'll make up for me not being there." Ashlyn felt bad for having to travel for the games. She had a commitment though and she didn't want to crowd Ali either. 

Ali tried her best not to look disappointed, she had always liked the fact that her house was so big but without Ashlyn, it had felt lonely lately. She missed the girl a lot. "I miss you, Ash." 

Ashlyn gave a grin and winked at her. "Well, I'll be home as soon as I can. I miss you too, I miss holding your hand in mine." They still didn't kiss a lot, but Ashlyn was okay with that. A kiss once a day was more than enough for her, she was still willing to move at the other girl's pace. 

"I feel the same way actually. It'll be okay though, I'll make you a nice dinner when you get home and we can cuddle or something." Ali offered, she had been really trying to work on being okay with Ashlyn's touch. It was hard not to shrink away but Ashlyn was always good about letting Ali know if she was coming up behind her. 

Ali could hear some noise coming from Ashlyn's room and raised a brow. "Who's your roommate for this game?" Ali asked, trying to show an interest. 

Ashlyn turned the camera towards Stephanie Labbe. "Steph got roomed with me, us keepers gotta stick together I guess." 

Stephanie was leaning over a suitcase, she was just in some shorts and a sports bra but hearing her name she turned to look at Ash. She smiled at the camera and waved to Ali. "Hey, Krieger, nice to see you." She called, before clearly looking to Ashlyn. "Us keepers do have to stick together, keeper nation." 

Ali blushed unsure if she was blushing because the girl was shirtless or because the girl was talking to her while shirtless. Ali felt embarrassed more than anything else managed to mumble a hello back. She couldn't deny the flame of jealousy that was licking at her insides. 

Ali heard a knock at her own door and pushing down her jealousy at the way Ashlyn was smiling at Stephanie, she made an excuse to leave. "I'll talk to you later Ash, somebody's at my door. Bye." She ended the facetime call before Ashlyn could even say by in return. 

Walking over to the door Ali felt kind of glum, she hated the fact that she couldn't be as personal with Ashlyn as everybody else could. She hated the fact that everything was harder when it came to physical touching and trusting people. She opened the door and was surprised to find Heather O'Reilly on the other side. 

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Ali asked, a confused smile tugging at her lips. 

"Your girlfriend sent me with a gift. She could tell you were having a bad day, and told me I was supposed to come make you some waffles with a smiley face, and cheer you up." Heather announced, before looking expectantly past Ali towards the kitchen. "Well, are you going to invite me in?" She asked softly. 

Ali blinked and found herself stepping back and allowing the girl to invade her house. She wasn't sure why Ashlyn would even care to send somebody to check on her, but it made her feel a little bit better. 

 

"It's almost lunch time, isn't it a little late for waffles?" Ali felt her voice wobble a little bit, but at least she had managed to say something. 

Heather laughed and shrugged. "It's never too late to have waffles Ali unless you don't want any. Have you eaten today?" A look of concern filled her eyes as she looked Ali over. She seemed to notice how tired and worn out the girl looked. "Hey, go lay down and take a nap okay? I'll wake you when the food is done, you're looking a little tired and besides, I need to fatten you up some, because if I'm the only one eating I'll feel guilty." Heather nodded to the couch, and then went back to trying to assemble a meal for Ali. 

Ali knew that she could trust HAO but it was still hard, hard to let strangers in her house, hard to let people close enough to hurt her. She was tired though, tired of having to carry the heavy burdens. Her talk with Kyle had made her realize that she needed to keep moving forward even if the progress was a snail's pace or an army crawl. 

She laid down on her couch and tried to let the sound of HAO in her kitchen eventually lull her to sleep. She tried to keep thinking of the positives, she had a girlfriend who cared about her enough to send people to check on her so she wouldn't be alone. She was making friends and making progress. These were all victories compared to where she had been even six months ago. 

An hour and a half later HAO was waking her up. Heather had gotten detailed notes from Ashlyn on how to handle Ali, and how to be gentle. "Hey Ali, you need to wake up hun. The food is already, okay." She placed a hand on Ali's wrist and gently shook her awake, before taking a step back to give Ali some room so she wouldn't be crowded. 

Ali was startled at first but as she got her bearings, she managed to sit up. "Oh, it smells really good, what all did you make?" She asked, ignoring the way that her stomach was growling. 

Heather chuckled and smirked playfully. "Well, why don't you come to the table and find out? Ashlyn said you liked pancakes but that you also liked chocolate and my aunt has this recipe for chocolate gravy. It's one of my favorites." Heather reminded, before leading the way over to the table. 

Ali made her way over to the kitchen table and couldn't help the fact that her mouth was watering. Heather had apparently decided to go all out. There were waffles with strawberries, eggs, hashbrowns, some fruit, biscuits and what Ali could only assume was chocolate gravy. 

"You didn't have to do all of this," Ali commented, looking to Heather who still was smiling. 

"Of course I did, Ashlyn asked me to give you a happy and carefree day. I don't get to play house often, both my husband and I are so busy, but it's nice to be domestic. So think of me as your stand-in girlfriend for the day." Heather offered, she saw Ali tense a little and cleared her throat. "I promise I won't try to kiss you or anything, just hang out with you okay?" She reassured her and felt happier when that seemed to relax Ali. 

It was hard in a way to trust Heather but Ali wanted to try. She wanted to prove that she wasn't always going to be a chicken. Ali knew she could make the small step and hang out with Heather, the girl had been kind to her in the past. Still, it took Ali a full ten minutes of them eating in silence before she worked up the courage to actually talk to Heather. 

"So you said Ashlyn sent you?" 

Heather put down her fork and gave a warm smile. "Yeah, she did. She really likes you, Ali, I mean if you don't know that already." Heather stood up from the table and walked over to her purse. She pulled out an envelope and brought it over to Ali. "It's a good day, and Ash wrote you a letter. She wants me to give it to you." 

Ali took it and stared at the envelope and the Ashlyn's writing. She could see that her name was on the envelope and that the letters were scrawled with care instead of the usual sloppy writing Ashlyn did. 

"I care about her a lot too. It's hard to let people in, but I want to let Ashlyn in. I want to let her past the walls I have up. I want to give her a real chance. I feel happy when she is around." Ali whispered, her fingers trailing over the letters on the paper. 

Heather smiled softly and raised a brow. "I know you care about her, I can see it. You make her happy too, that's all that matters ya know? Relationships are different for everybody."   
"I feel like I am being selfish, I mean what if she gets tired of waiting?" There were a lot of things troubling Ali. 

Heather sighed softly and gave her a firm look. "Ali nobody can deny you've been through a lot. But you can't control everything, you can't control Ashlyn. If she wants to wait for you, which I know she does then she is going to." Heather explained, before really watching Ali. She could sense the girl was having a hard time. "Have you talk to your parents? I know you talked to Kyle he told me so at the party and you started to heal there, but maybe talk to your mom." 

"It's not her fault I got assaulted or shut myself in." Ali protested, unsure of why she would have to talk to her mom. 

"Why don't you try, I mean you've let Kyle back in, and you're starting to let Ash in. Why don't you let your mom in, just talk to her about everything? Maybe it will be healing for both of you." Heather suggested softly. 

Ali knew she was right and that she had to talk to her mom. If she wanted to heal completely then she needed to stop shutting out the people she cared about. She finished her meal in silence, letting herself get lost in hanging out with Heather. Perhaps a friendship with Heather was a good thing too. 

\---   
Sometime after Heather had left Ali checked her phone. She still had not opened the letter Ashlyn had sent her, but she kept it close by. Before going to bed she had texted her mom asking if Debbie could come over the next day. Ali really wanted to talk to her, and there was a piece of her that really missed her mom a lot. 

Ali was wide awake the next morning anxious to see her mother. Ali knew they had a lot of catching up to do, Ali hadn't just closed herself off from the world but from her family as well. There were so many regrets and a heavy pain in her heart. She hadn't wanted her mom to see her descent into what Ali felt was madness. Ali was aware she had pushed her mom and everybody else in her family away, but she was done pushing. She was hoping that she could repair what was lost, and even if she couldn't she still needed to have this conversation for her own healing. 

When Deb got to the house, Ali opened the door and was happy to see her. She noticed that her mom looked unsure of whether or not to come in, but Ali was thankful her mom had even shown up at all. 

"I wasn't sure if you would want a Starbucks, but I got you one anyway. You liked this drink last time." Deb replied, thankful that her own hands were full so she wouldn't reach out and just hug her daughter tightly. 

Ali felt tears prick her eyes, she knew that the distance she had forced between them had hurt her mom. She could see it in the uneasiness in the woman's steps as she walked into Ali's home. Still, Deb had brought her coffee, a thing which they had done before everything had happened. 

Deb noticed that Ali looked like she was about to cry and set the coffees down on the counter. "Hey, I'm sorry. Was I not supposed to bring coffee, I didn't know. Please don't cry, baby." She itched to reach out and comfort her daughter, but it still felt like there was a wall between them. 

Swallowing down the massive lump of emotion in her throat, Ali shook her head. "It's good tears mom, not bad ones," Ali replied, wiping at her eyes, before nodding to the couch. "I was hoping maybe we could talk mom. Is that okay?" Ali held out a hand to her mom, hoping it would be enough. 

Ali's mom stared at the hand between them and for a moment she recalled what it was like to teach Ali to walk. She recalled all the times Ali had fallen in life she had picked her up, and then the one time that she couldn't pick her up. It had been four long years of watching her daughter slowly disappear from her life and into a shell. 

Deb took the girl's hand almost scared that this opportunity to be close to her daughter again would disappear if she didn't take it. She held onto Ali's hand almost for dear life, wanting to clutch to the safety net that had been tossed out to her. "I would love to talk to you Ali, more than anything." 

Ali kept a hold of her mom's hand, trying her best not to get emotional at how it felt to be close to her mom again. She led the way to the couch and sat down at one end of it, letting her mom sit on the other. Ali didn't want to let go of her mom's hand though, it was a form of physical contact from the one person who had always been there for her. 

"Mom I want to tell you I am sorry. I am sorry I shut you out, you didn't deserve that." Ali whispered, her voice small and somewhat broken. 

Debbie realized now why Ali had called her over, the reason why Ali was finally wanting to move on. "Alex, I don't blame you for running away. I wish you hadn't locked yourself up in this prison of a house, but in a weird way I get it." 

"I was so mad at Kyle and I blamed him. I wanted to hate him and every time I saw you and dad, I knew you'd want me to forgive Kyle. You raised me to be a strong woman mom, to not let things break me and I couldn't face you. I hated myself, I felt disgusted by everything that had happened." Ali was starting to cry now, tears rolling down her cheeks. 

Seeing her daughter cry, struck a chord in Deb. She wanted to wrap her daughter in her arms and hold her close, she wanted to take away all the pain and suffering that Ali had gone through. However, she wasn't sure how Ali was about physical contact so she simply rubbed her hand, trying to offer as much support as she could. 

"I couldn't look you in the eyes anymore mom, I was ashamed because I felt like I wasn't the person you raised. You were so strong when dad left, you were the one who helped me get into Penn State, I just... I couldn't handle failing you. When I dropped out of Penn State and gave up soccer I knew you'd be disappointed but I couldn't go back there. I wasn't strong enough." Ali hated the distance between her and her mom, she wanted to ease the pain and tear down the wall that she had built brick by brick. 

"Alex, I love you. I hate what happened, I hate that I wasn't strong enough to protect you from everything. You had already been through so much and then the assault and the car wreck after. I could have lost both you and Kyle. I was so busy trying to get Kyle clean that I neglected the fact that you were slipping further and further away from me." Deb whispered she wanted to hug her so bad. Ali had always been her little girl, her pride, and joy. Deb knew she had her shortcomings but she had done her best to be the kind of mom Kyle and Ali deserved. "I am so sorry Alex." 

Ali couldn't take it anymore and closed the distance between them and just hugged her mom tightly. She buried her face into her mom's shoulder and just sobbed. Ali could feel her mom's arms encircling her and holding her close, and Ali felt like she was home again. This was healing and yes it was painful but it was also good and cleansing. 

"I love you mom, I love you so much." Ali sobbed, just letting all the heaviness that she had been carrying drop. 

Deb gently rubbed her back, doing her best to soothe her hurting child. "I love you too Ali, always and forever." She kissed the top of her head, glad that Ali had decided to open up a little bit. 

Ali finally wiped her eyes and pulled back to look at her mom. She could see that they had both needed this talk. "Mom, I was hoping maybe we could start having a family dinner once a week or if you can't come into town that often, maybe every other week? You, Kyle, Ashlyn and I?" 

Deb smiled at that before something caught her attention. "Who's Ashlyn?" 

"Oh, I am surprised blabber mouth Kyle hasn't told you. Ashlyn is my girlfriend, it's um sort of complicated?" Ali wasn't sure how her mom would react to the news of her having a girlfriend. Clearly, with Kyle being gay her mom wasn't homophobic or anything but she was still hoping her mom wouldn't react badly. 

"Girlfriend, well alright. I would love to meet her and I would love to start having a family dinner with you and Kyle." Deb replied, rather curious to meet the girl who was helping to bring Ali out of her shell. 

"How did you meet Ashlyn, is she kind?" Deb finally asked after a few seconds of silence, she was rather curious. 

Ali blushed and glanced down to her lap. "It's kind of a long story, but if you have some time I can tell you all about her." 

Grinning at her daughter's shyness, Deb giggled. "Oh Ali for you, I've got all the time in the world." 

\----- 

Ashlyn was so happy to finally be getting home, she parked her Jeep in the driveway and walked towards the front door of her house. She could see that the house was dark and assumed that Ali was probably asleep. It was almost midnight, so Ashlyn decided to just leave her bags in the car. She didn't want to make any unnecessary noise that might wake up or scare Ali. 

She walked into the house and was just about to lock the door and head to bed when she noticed that Ali was on the couch and lightly snoring. Ashlyn chuckled softly to herself and made sure to lock the door before walking over to Ali. She took a lap blanket off the back of the couch and gently covered Ali with it so that the girl wouldn't be cold. 

"Hey babe, I'm home I just thought you would like to know," Ashlyn said quietly. 

Ali stirred a little bit and slowly her eyes opened. "I've been waiting for you to keep home." She gave a yawn and tried to sit up. "I really missed you, what time is it?" 

Ashlyn smiled and moved to sit next to Ali who immediately cuddled into her side. "It's close to midnight Ali, and I really missed you too." She couldn't help but light up a little bit when she saw that Ali had been reading her letter. 

Ali cuddled closer, laying her head against Ashlyn's chest to listen to the way the soccer player's heart beat steady and proud. "I talked to my mom while you were gone, I feel like we made some progress. I invited her over for a weekly dinner along with Kyle." 

"That's great Ali, I am glad you got to talk to her. I'm proud of you." Ashlyn was surprised by the progress but she knew that this was a wonderful start for her girlfriend. Ashlyn wanted Ali to be able to find healing and peace with her family. 

"I was hoping if you weren't busy that you'd be there. I told my mom about you, she wants to meet you, Ash." Ali glanced up at her girlfriend, wondering how Ashlyn would take the news. 

Ashlyn was quiet for a moment, just really trying to process all the new information. "I would love to meet your mom, only if you want me too. If you want the family dinner to be you and your family that is okay too." Ashlyn didn't want to push too far and make Ali uncomfortable, she wanted to let Ali have some control over what was happening in the house. 

Ali shifted and looked into Ashlyn's eyes. "Hey Ash, you're my family too. I really want to let my mom back into my life and you're an important part of it. So yes, I want you there too, please?" 

"Okay Al, I'll be there," Ash promised, lifting a hand to gently cup Ali's cheek. She moved slowly to kiss Ali, trying to give the girl time to pull away if she wanted too. 

Ali kissed her back, trying to show how much she appreciated everything Ashlyn had been doing for her. Ali couldn't deny that she felt safer with Ashlyn around and that she felt like things were looking up for her. 

"So how was rooming with Stephanie?" Ali asked as she finally pulled back, she was trying to be genuine but she still couldn't hide all the jealousy in her tone. 

Ashlyn caught on to that and rolled her eyes. "She kept asking about the gorgeous brunette at the party, I had to tell her that the brunette was my girlfriend and that I didn't plan on sharing her anytime soon." 

Ali felt her cheeks heat up and quickly looked away. "Really?" 

"I can promise you this Ali, Stephanie Labbe might be gay as well but I am not her type. Besides she's just my friend, she's more interested in you than she is to me." Ashlyn promised, trying to reassure her. "The only person that I have a crush on Ali, is you. I don't write love letters or send my friends to check on just anybody. I'm into you Ali, you are the one I want." Ash meant it too, she felt happy with her girlfriend and she planned on staying faithful to her. Ali balanced her and kept her anchored and that was exactly what the keeper needed. 

Ali looked back at her and took her hand. "You're the only one I want to Ashlyn. You make me happy, you live life in such a way that it makes me want to be around you so I can be just as happy as you." 

Ashlyn felt her heart warm and placed a gentle kiss to her girlfriend's forehead. "I am here for you baby girl." She murmured, before giving a yawn. "Can I walk you to your room?" 

"I think I'd like that very much. Maybe-" Ali knew what she wanted to ask, but she was still a little nervous to ask it. "Maybe you could stay with me tonight, in my room. No funny business but I'd like to fall asleep in your arms." 

The request took Ashlyn by surprise though she couldn't deny how badly she wanted to fall asleep with Ali in her arms. "Okay, if you're sure, then I'd be honored to spend the night holding you. I promise I won't try anything, I'll just hold you and if you need me to leave I will." 

Ali took a deep breath and stood up. "Let's go then, I pretty tired too." She mused, taking her girlfriend's hand and leading her up to the room that was Ali's safest place. She tried to squash down any nervous feelings or doubts, she trust Ashlyn and besides the blonde goalkeeper was far more comforting than a solitary room.


	13. Piece by Piece

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some fluffy Krashlyn and Ashlyn has some serious thinking to do. 
> 
> Also, Piece by piece by Kelly Clarkson totally fits Ali.

The sunshine streaming in through the curtains and the feeling of being utterly warm and content was what eventually woke Ali up from her sleep. She was very comfortable until she realized that she wasn't alone in her bed. An icy cold feeling shot through her, chilling her blood until she realized just who was holding her. 

Slowly Ali turned her head to look at her girlfriend, deciding to access the situation. She was under the covers and fully dressed, while Ashlyn had remained on top of the covers. Ashlyn had an arm draped over Ali's stomach but other than that wasn't invading the girl's space. 

As the previous night played back in Ali's mind, she couldn't help but smile. Ashlyn had done everything she could to make Ali comfortable and had made sure not to take advantage. Ash had offered to sleep on top of the covers and even put a pillow between their bodies that way if Ashlyn moved in her sleep she wouldn't do anything to make Ali feel uncomfortable. 

Ali could feel a warm feeling bubbling up inside of her, replacing the cold feeling. It warmed her heart that the soccer player was trying so hard to be respectful of her space and that even when asleep the girl still tried to put precautions up. Ali wasn't sure what she was feeling, she knew she was falling harder for her girlfriend but she was wondering if this was what it felt like to be falling in love. 

Watching the soccer player sleep, Ali took a moment to memorize the girl's features. The way that the morning sun was hitting Ashlyn made her look almost angelic. Ashlyn's hair was over her shoulder, and aside from the one arm that was draped protectively over Ali the rest of Ashlyn's body had remained on her side of the bed. Ali almost wanted to laugh at how hard it seemed that Ashlyn had fought to keep the pillow in between them as a barrier. 

Ali glanced down at the arm that was resting against her stomach. Even though her t-shirt she could feel the warmth and comforting weight of Ashlyn's touch. Ali took a deep breath, willing herself to relax and not freak out. She focused on Ashlyn's tattoos, letting her fingers trace the girl's sleeve. 

Rolling over on her side to face the sleeping soccer player, Ali saw the girl stirring a bit. She could tell by the crease in Ashlyn's brow that she was starting to wake up. Ali gently pressed her thumb to Ashlyn's forehead, gently stroking the skin until Ashlyn seemed to relax once more. 

Her girlfriend was stunning and Ali was thankful for the fact that Ashlyn was her girlfriend and not somebody else's. Slowly she crossed the barrier pillow and placed a gentle kiss to Ashlyn's lips, wanting to thank her in her own way. 

It took a few seconds for Ashlyn to start kissing back, but when she did Ali could feel her own heartbeat pounding in her chest. Slowly she pulled back and watched the keeper. 

"Mm, good morning babe," Ashlyn mumbled giving a soft yawn. She opened her eyes, finding her girlfriend watching her. "You okay?" 

Ali simply nodded and smiled. "Yeah, I am good. You're really cute when you sleep, you look peaceful." 

Ashlyn blushed and moved to sit up, still staying on her half of the bed. "You could have woke me up earlier, I am sorry." She was wary of making her girlfriend uncomfortable. They had made a lot of progress and Ashlyn didn't want to fuck it up. 

"Hey look at me, it's okay. I wanted you here." Ali reassured her, moving to cuddle into her side. She felt comfortable enough to snuggle into Ashlyn's side now that the girl was awake. 

Ashlyn merely grinned and kissed the top of her head. She held Ali close, wanting to just savor the moment of pure intimacy. 

Letting herself be lulled into the peaceful cuddle, Ali was silent for a little bit before she thought of something. 

"Hey, Ash?" 

"Yeah, babe?" Ash raised a brow, her hand stilling where it was rubbing small circles on Ali's shoulder. 

"I wanted to thank you, for being so patient with me. I know I can be a little rough around the edges." Ali knew that was putting it lightly. Still, she was making progress and she wanted to thank Ashlyn for helping her. 

Ashlyn resumed rubbing her shoulder and chuckled softly. "You're worth it. You're my girlfriend and I want you to be happy, your progress though that is all you. You've worked hard to rebuild trust with your family, I didn't do that. You did Hun, so don't sell yourself short."  
Ali could feel her heart running wild and free again. Ashlyn made her feel things that she hadn't felt in a long time, Ali felt like she was invincible, like a young kid getting to play in a park with lots of trees. The feelings that the soccer player inspired inside of her was like freedom, happiness, and safety all at once. 

While she wasn't brave enough to leave her house Ali felt like she could taste the freedom that lay beyond her drive way. For the first time in two years, Ali felt unburdened and free like she wasn't locked up in some prison. 

"How is it that you always know the right things to say?" Ali questioned, watching the way Ashlyn's lips twisted into a playful smile. 

"Oh, have you forgotten all the ways I've stuck my foot in my mouth? My kissing is that amazing." Ashlyn teased, before kissing her forehead tenderly. "I'm not perfect Ali, but I'm real. I'll be honest with you, I'm kind of winging this. I haven't been in a serious relationship in god knows how long. But I am serious about you, it's a process but I am willing to ride it out with you." Ashlyn promised, kissing her cheek. 

The blonde didn't want to delude Ali into thinking she was perfect, Ashlyn knew that she had her flaws. But even in the midst of her flaws, there was good inside of her. 

Ali leaned up and kissed her deeply for a moment before moving out of bed. She didn't want to get carried away in the moment and then freak out. "How about you take a shower and I make us some breakfast?" 

"Is that the polite way of telling me I stink?" Ashlyn pouted at her, sticking out her lower lip. 

Ali gently threw a pillow at her. "Well, you do have morning breath so maybe a little." She winked at her girlfriend and then headed down stairs so that Ash could shower, and she could make some breakfast for the two of them.  
\---  
The rest of the day went smoothly and Ali was happy. It was a strange feeling to be this happy but she was enjoying every second of it. She knew her mom and Kyle would be coming over soon for dinner and she wanted to make sure Ashlyn was still okay with it. These were the top three important people in her life. 

"Hey Ash, are you still okay with my brother and mom having dinner with us?" Ali questioned, looking up from where she had been washing dishes.  
Ashlyn who had been working on some promotional stuff for the Spirit nodded her head. She shut her laptop and looked over at Ali. "Yes, I am excited to meet your mom. Besides I think she's going to like me, I've been known to charm parents." Ashlyn joked, winking at her. 

Ali chuckled at that and walked over, sitting in Ashlyn's lap. "You're amazing, you know that?" 

Wrapping her arms loosely around Ali's waist, Ash gave a shrug. "I do know it a little bit, I can be confident when I want to be. I do like hearing it though." She kissed Ali's cheek affectionately, before resting her head on the girl's shoulder. 

"My mom is going to like you, you make me happy. She's probably going to think you hung the moon and stars in the sky, just like me." Ali mumbled, running her fingers through her girlfriend's hair. She still wasn't sure why she was so lucky. Maybe life was finally paying her back for her pain and suffering. 

"I'll try and impress her," Ashlyn promised, rubbing her back. She was excited to be meeting Ali's mom, but she was still curious about Ali's father. "I know you've been making amends with your family, are you going to try with your dad?" 

"No." The sharp way Ali said it, made Ash realize that it was probably a sore subject. "I'm still mad at him." 

Ashlyn tilted her head to the side, taking in Ali's words. She knew she had to tread lightly she didn't want to ruin the evening. "For what happened in college or something else?" 

Ali sighed and moved off of Ashlyn's lap. "My dad left us when I was younger and my mom did her best. It hurts though, it leaves you with this question of whether or not anybody is going to ever want you. I maybe a Krieger, but my mom is the real warrior. I don't think I can ever really forgive him for the stress he put her through, it was hard to have him leave. It made me feel worthless." The brunette sighed and buried her face in her hands. She knew she had a lot of fucked up things happen, but she had needed her dad and he hadn't been there. 

Ashlyn wasn't sure if Ali wanted to be touched or comforted in that moment. She still reached out a hand across the table and left her hand there in case Ali wanted to hold her hand. "I'm sorry he wasn't there for you. I am sorry that you've had a lot of shitty stuff happen but I can promise you that I am not going to just leave you. I'm here for you until you tell me to go." Ashlyn promised, relaxing when she felt Ali take her hand. 

"I won't tell you to go, I enjoy your company too much." Ali mused, kissing her cheek before pulling away. "Alright I'm going to go take a shower, I'll be back hopefully when my brother and mother arrive," Ali announced, heading up stairs.  
\---  
Ashlyn was enjoying herself as she made dinner, it was peaceful. Ali was entertaining her mother and brother, and Ashlyn felt like this was probably the happiest she had ever seen her girlfriend. After almost a year of living together, they had managed to move forward a lot and meeting the family felt like it was worth it. She had talked to Kyle a lot and they had bonded but still, she felt like they needed to bond some more. 

There was something nagging at Ashlyn though, in the pit of her stomach. She had received a call while Ali was showering, but she had tried to ignore the information she had received. Right now her focus was on the girl of her dreams, but it still weighed heavily on her. 

"Hey babe, we're out of salad dressing I am going to run to the store and pick it up. Do you need me to pick anything else up?" Ashlyn asked as she wiped her hands on the apron before taking it off. She smiled warmly at Deb, who was watching her carefully. 

Ali thought for a moment before shrugging. "Maybe a pie and some ice cream for dessert?" She suggested. 

"Sure thing, want to come with me, Kyle?" Ashlyn asked, hoping she could talk to him a little bit. 

Kyle stood up from his position on the couch and nodded. "Yeah, sure, I am positive my sister and mom want some girl time." He teased, narrowly avoiding the gentle slap to his thigh from Ali. 

The drive to the grocery store was a quiet one and for that Ashlyn was thankful. While Ali had been showering earlier, the call she had received was about business.There was a new expansion team in Orlando and the Washington Spirit wanted to trade Ashlyn there. It was a great opportunity seeing as Ashlyn was originally from Florida and loved the community there. It was a chance to get back to her roots, to be put first in a soccer club. Ashlyn could have a team built around her, she could be a role model for a community that needed her. 

Still, there was the whole living with Ali thing, it wasn't like she could just ask Ali to move with her and into the new place. If Ali couldn't even leave her own home, what was there to say about her picking up and moving states away. Ashlyn knew she needed to think about the offer, but if she got traded there wasn't much she could do, she'd just have to pack up and go. 

"Something on your mind Ashlyn, you seem lost in thought." 

Ashlyn forced a smile and looked over to Kyle as she parked the car. "Just thinking about your sister." 

Kyle rolled his eyes and smirked. "She's pretty cool, I can admit, but why does thinking about her have you looking like somebody kicked your puppy?" 

"Because things are finally going good and I don't want to ruin anything. She's finally letting me in, and I think she could be the one Kyle. I just...I got a job offer and it's not one I can turn down. It's in Orlando Florida though." Ashlyn sighed and looked down, her grip on the steering wheel tightening. 

The look on Kyle's face betrayed his fears, Ali was making progress and this would set her back. "What are you going to do, have you told Ali? Clearly not, because you wouldn't be stressed out about it if you had. Damn." He sighed and leaned his head against the window. 

"I just found out today, I mean I don't even know how to let her know. Besides, she's finally healing with you and your mom, and it's important for this to go smoothly. I am trying to set her up for success." Ashlyn sighed again and buried her face in her hands. She had been trying so hard to not be selfish, to put Ali first. She had been going at the other girl's pace and that was fine, but she had her own future to worry about as well. 

Kyle placed a hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "My sister cares about you Ash, I am sure if you talk to her maybe you guys can work it out." 

"Long distance is hard as it is Kyle. She doesn't leave the house, so I would be the one doing all the traveling. Plus with National Team and Club team duties it would be hard to come and see her. I can't hurt her Kyle..." Ashlyn knew, in the end, she'd end up the bad guy and she didn't want to. She knew she would have to talk to Ali, but she hoped she could at least put it off until later when the girl's family wasn't there. 

Kyle was glad that he wasn't in Ashlyn's shoes, still, he was hoping that maybe he could somehow find a way to soften the blow for his sister. "Come on, let's go buy that pie. Mom will be sure to want to interview you when we get back." He mused, trying to change the subject. 

Ashlyn followed him, but she still felt like puking on the inside. Orlando was far away and the fear of Ali relapsing into the darkness was not something she wanted on her conscious.


	14. don't fall in love there's just to much to lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is angsty as hell. Ash tells Ali that she got an opportunity in Orlando and Ali reacts in the worst way possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am literally warning you now that this one is going to hurt. It'll be really sad and angsty, but sometimes the best Krashlyn is sad and angsty. Besides, they can't be happy all the time, and I need this to happen so that we can start the last couple of chapters of the story. I don't know how much more is left. Perhaps 2 or 3, I haven't a clue. Also, I am already thinking of a sequel of sorts, but who knows. We'll see how this one ends first. But yeah this is where the roller coaster starts to drop, so grab some tissues and a buddy to cuddle because you might need a hug after this chapter.
> 
> As always hit me up at @krashlynpride on Tumblr, come talk to me about my AUs and all the other stuff. Also, Jill Ellis had better free my baby AK because she makes me irritated when she doesn't.
> 
> Love you all, thanks for reading and leaving your comments. They make me want to be a better writer. I couldn't make this story without you  
> ~Becks  
> 

Ashlyn had done her best to keep everything running smoothly, she had been trying to spend more time with Ali. She knew she would have to tell her about the job offer eventually but right now things were good and she didn't want to go blowing up Ali's life. 

She loved her, she was in love with her and honestly, Ashlyn knew she was the one. She wanted to marry Ali, she felt connected to her and still, she felt like telling her this would destroy her. 

"If you keep cutting the watermelon and not paying attention you'll slice your fingers off, and I have a feeling you need that for your job." The words were spoken playfully but Ali's tone betrayed her concern. Something had seemed off about Ashlyn and yet she couldn't put her finger on it. Ali had watched Ashlyn absentmindedly carving a watermelon for the last five minutes. 

Ash gave a small laugh and set down the knife. "Sorry babe, do you want some watermelon?" 

Ali nodded and studied her girlfriend. "Do you want to tell me what is wrong, or am I going to have to guess." 

"Oh, nothing is wrong, just a lot on my plate is all." It wasn't a lie, okay maybe it was a little bit of a white lie. "We need to talk Ali." 

"There it is." Ali felt like her world had just been launched into a universe without a sun. "Are you breaking up with me?" 

Ashlyn's eyes widened. "What?! No! No, no, that's not what I am doing, we just really need to talk." Ashlyn felt her own heart taking off at a high-speed gallop. She didn't want to break up with Ali but she still needed to tell her the truth. 

"Did Labbe kiss you?" Ali was going through the worst-case scenarios in her head. "I'll kick her ass, I mean you'd have to lure her here for me to do it, but I can send her a strongly worded letter." 

Ashlyn chuckled and shook her head. "That isn't it either babe. I... I got offered a job. In Orlando, starting up and leading a new team that they have there. It's an expansion team and it would give me the ability to lead it." 

Ali stared at her dumbly, trying to figure out what this had to do with anything, but then all at once, it sunk in. "You're leaving?" 

Ashlyn buried her face in her hands. "I haven't signed the contract yet, I wasn't going to do that without talking to you first." She felt so torn because Orlando was her home and she had a chance to make a home for herself with a community that she loved. 

"You should take it." Ali's tone was even, and though she looked like she was about to cry, she knew that this was an important chance. "I think you should go." She wasn't about to stand in the keeper's way of a career changing opportunity. 

"What about us?" Ashlyn asked, not wanting to break up. 

Ali gave a watery smile. "We can try it, the long distance I mean. We can try and make it work." She didn't sound sure though, the words sounded hollow and broken.

Ashlyn looked up at her, her gaze searching. "Why do you sound like you're already saying goodbye then?" 

Ali looked away and shrugged. "I never leave the house, Ashlyn, you would be states away. Skype dates are great and all, but long distance only works if somebody eventually moves. Are we going to spend the rest of our lives dating each other from a far?" She sighed and stood up. She needed to think and she couldn't do that very well with Ashlyn right in front of her. 

"So, you're just going to tell me to go and then walk away?" Ashlyn asked, feeling her heart shattering into a million pieces. "Ali please, please don't do this. I need you, we can make this work. Let's talk about this, please? Ali..." 

Ali couldn't look at her, it felt like the walls were closing in and she couldn't breathe. She didn't say anything, just headed up the stairs and went to her bedroom, slamming the door shut behind her.  
\----  
_\- Three days later-_

"Why do you look like shit?" Whitney was never the type to pull punches and was the first to call Ashlyn out on her shit. Even now she could tell that something was up with her best friend. 

Ashlyn had been off her game all day at practice, missing easy goals. She knew that if she didn't start performing better, Jill was going to bench her and play Naeher in her place. She glanced to Whitney and just waved her off, trying to prepare for the next save that she was going to make. 

"Harris, come here!" Jill called, unsure of why her star keeper was failing miserably. 

Ashlyn did her best to refrain from rolling her eyes, she didn't want to put up with Jill's crap today. She gritted her teeth and jogged over to the waiting coach. 

"Yes, coach?" 

Jill gave her a once over and then frowned. "Why are you missing saves, it's not even looking like an effort on your part. Get your head in the game or I'll bench you." Jill warned, before nodding to the bench. "Go sit down for a while and hydrate." 

Ash fought the urge to talk back and went to sit on the bench. She grabbed a bottle and began to hydrate, but she couldn't take her mind off of Ali. If this was how it was going to be, then Ashlyn wasn't sure if she could handle it. 

It had been three days of radio silence, Ali wouldn't even talk to her beyond a simple yes or no. Having worked so hard to break the girl's walls down, this felt like a failure because she had to start over at zero. 

"Coach sent me over to talk to you, and see what's going on." Whitney sat down next to her and grabbed her own water bottle. She knew she couldn't force the keeper to talk, but she could at least be there to listen. 

"It's over." The words felt like nails being hammered into her chest, and honestly, Ashlyn didn't even want to say them because they felt so painful. There wasn't much she could really do about it. 

"What's over, you and Ali? Didn't you only make it official like a month or two ago?" Whitney was confused, the pair had lived together for almost a year and yet the way it seemed that it was going to be over soon. 

Ashlyn snorted bitterly and watched her teammates on the field. "It would have been two months this Sunday, not that it matters because my girlfriend apparently lacks the ability to deal with shit head on." 

A frown crossed Whitney's face, she knew that it wasn't like Ashlyn to talk that way about Ali. She knew the girl was mad about something, but Ashlyn was getting defensive and Whitney didn't want that. 

"Why do you think it's over Ash?" Whitney pressed onward, trying to get her best friend to confront the real issues that were going on. 

"They are making an expansion team in Orlando, they want me to help get it off the ground. It's my home Whit, it's all I've ever wanted. I have the chance to build something great in that community, help kids and give them a chance other than crime and poverty." Ashlyn turned her head to look at Whitney, her gaze was pleading, she needed her friend's advice. 

Whitney could see the problem though, Ashlyn would be states away and things would be complicated by Ali never leaving the house. "I think you need to talk to her, maybe explain it to her?" 

"She won't let me in, she won't talk to me, I've tried. How am I supposed to live there if she won't even speak to me? That's not a relationship." Ashlyn was frustrated, she had been patient and understanding. She had bent herself out of shape and gone at Ali's speed because she loved her and yet now Ali wouldn't even bend a little for her. 

"Whit, this isn't fair. I'm the one who's giving all of myself, I do everything to make her comfortable. All I want is her in my life, in whatever way I can have her." Ashlyn took another drink of water, she felt like at any minute she was going to break. 

Whitney could feel the pain radiating off of her friend, and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Your girlfriend is very dreamy, but you can't put aside your dreams for somebody. You have helped her so much Ash, but now it's time to take care of yourself. A relationship goes both ways, and if she can't be happy for your success then maybe she isn't somebody you should be with." 

The words landed heavy on Ashlyn and it wasn't long at all before Ashlyn was sobbing hard on the bench. Whitney wrapped her arms around her best friend and held her, trying to console the heartbroken keeper. 

\---  
_\- Two weeks later -_  
Ashlyn had tried over and over again, but Ali had almost completely shut her out. The other girl barely left her room, and it was starting to piss Ashlyn off. It was then that she started packing, Ashlyn was going to go to Orlando. If Ali wasn't going to fight for her or even talk to her, then what was the point of staying. 

Ali stared out the window, watching as Ashlyn and some of the girl's friends loaded box after box of Ashlyn's things onto a moving truck. Ali knew she was being unfair, knew that there was a piece of her screaming to fight for Ashlyn but she couldn't. 

From the window, she could tell Ashlyn was tired, it had been two weeks now without Ali actually holding a conversation with her. Ali had shut her out, and honestly, Ali didn't even know what to say to the soccer player. 

The moving van's appearance had signaled that Ashlyn had made up her decision. It was selfish, this refusal to treat Ashlyn with the respect she deserved. Ali wouldn't even open the bedroom door to talk to her. It hadn't mattered how much Ashlyn had begged, pleaded, yelled, and cried, Ali just couldn't open the door. 

She knew that once she opened the door she would break, Ali was trying to keep herself together. She wanted Ashlyn to go and live a happy life in Florida. The girl deserved so much better than a recluse who refused to leave home. Ali was sure now that her baggage would only end up smothering Ashlyn in the end, this was for the best. 

Ali heard footsteps on the stairs, and a glance out the window told her that it was no doubt, Ashlyn, trying once more to talk to her. 

Ashlyn lifted her hand to knock on the door and then hesitated. Why was she even bothering with a goodbye, it's not like Ali had given her one before abruptly shutting her out of her life. Tears pricked Ashlyn's eyes as she pulled a letter from her wallet. She pushed it under the door and took a ragged breath. 

If Ali was giving up on her and them, what the point in even trying. 

"Goodbye Ali" Ashlyn felt the tears fall, but quickly turned and headed down the stairs and to the moving truck. Things felt hopeless and bleak, and she wasn't even sure what the hell was going to happen once she got to Orlando. 

Ali glanced at the letter on the floor and just stared at it for a moment. She walked towards it and picked it up. It was about two pages stapled together and folded so that it could slide under the door. Ali didn't want to read it, but she couldn't stop herself. She had a feeling this was as close as she was going to get to an actual goodbye.  
_  
'Dear Ali,_

_So, I guess we're over? I mean if I am to take the two weeks of radio silence and you refusing to look at me as a cue. I wish you would talk to me, but I guess your silence says it all. You don't play fair and I guess that is what pisses me off the most._

_I love you, I've spent a year in this place falling so in love with you that it makes my heart ache at the thought of even having to be apart. All I wanted was to be able to break down your walls enough to be let in. I didn't even want to break them, I just wanted you to let me in._

_You're beautiful, complex, smart, and somebody I admire so much. I am so angry at you though, angry that you shut me out, I didn't deserve that Ali. I would have given up Orlando for you, hell had you asked I would have given up anything for you. Perhaps that is my downfall._

_You're so ingrained in me, that I honestly believe you're my future. I'd give you all of me, but the unfair thing is that you wouldn't do the same. I understand you're scared, so am I. But Ali it's time to try, I am begging you to try for me. I'd ask you not to give up on me, but it seems you already have made up your mind about that._

_I suppose being mad at you won't do me any good, maybe I just loved somebody who can’t love me back._

_Ali Krieger, I will always love you, but I love you enough to know that I can't stay here anymore. I can't give up on my hopes and dreams, I want to make a difference in Orlando. If I gave up on my hopes and dreams, then I would be lying to the both of us, and I wouldn't be the person you agreed to be with._

_Perhaps in another life, we'll get a fair shot. Life won't have warped and wrecked us so much. In another life, we'll have the white picket fence, beach front property, with a bunch of kids and animals. In another life, we won't be so broken._

_I love you, Ali, I maybe in Florida but you have my heart. It's yours, keep it. I don't want it back, it doesn't work without its other half, and the other half is with you._

_Goodbye Ali_  
Yours always,  
Ashlyn.' 

Ali let out a sob, Ashlyn's words finally getting to her. It was over, all over. She could hear the car in the drive way starting up. Ali scrambled to the window, watching as the moving truck containing Ashlyn's stuff pull down the drive way. 

Ashlyn herself was climbing into her jeep. She took one last sad look up at Ali's window, surprised to find that Ali was staring back down at her. Ashlyn swallowed thickly and raised her hand in a small half wave before climbing in the jeep. 

Ali pressed her hand to the glass window pane, crying as she watched Ashlyn pull away. 

"Goodbye, Ashlyn."


	15. Kyle Krieger and Alex Morgan are done with Krashlyn's shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle Krieger is done playing nice and tells his sister some hard truths. It's time to get the healing on because you either heal and move on or you remain stuck forever and you never find a home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the set up the last chapter, let's hope I can keep my eye on the ball. Honestly though after this chapter, I think there is only gonna be one left. 
> 
> I am planning a sequel maybe, I don't know. I guess it all depends, I do have school coming up, and I gotta plan for writing my senior thesis and all of the crazy other ideas I have in my mind. So I mean if I don't get to writing a sequel right away, please don't get mad. But yes, this is the second to last chapter. This is me pitching myself a good one straight over the plate, and hopefully, the next chapter will be my grand slam. 
> 
> I am actually surprised I got this chapter out as fast as I did, but I was watching Wynonna Earp and I got angry so I started writing about soccer. Because writing and soccer make me happy, but also because Ali Krieger deserves a fucking happy ending and so I am going to give her one. Also, I couldn't leave you guys feeling sad, we need happy Ali and stuff. We all need more happy in our lives. 
> 
> Buckle in folks, because here comes the sonic boom. 
> 
> ~Becks.

Kyle Krieger had known his sister long enough to be able to call her out on her shit. It had been over a month since Ashlyn had moved out and Ali was looking worse every day. Ali wasn't taking care of herself, and it was really starting to piss Kyle off. Ali had even started canceling the weekly family dinners. He was concerned about her but more than anything else he was mad. 

Mad that after all the progress she had made she was going to throw it away. He felt like it was time to install some tough love in his sister and one way or another, things were going to change. Even if he had to drag her ass out of the house, kicking and screaming. Whatever mental block was keeping her in that house, it wasn't going to win. 

If Kyle could beat his addictions, then Ali could beat her fears. Kyle wasn't about to let his sister die alone in some house, not while he still had breath in his body. If Ali wasn't going to fight her demons, then Kyle sure as hell was going to make her and help her.

Letting himself into Ali's house with his key, he stormed up the stairs only to get half way up before he heard Ali's voice from the kitchen. 

"I'm in the kitchen Kyle, what are you doing here?" Ali was surprised to see her brother, surprised that he had even shown up. She was moping around in the kitchen, much like she had for the past month. 

Kyle pinched the bridge of his nose and did his best to control his flaring temper. He abruptly did an about-face on the stairs, and trotted down them and walked into the kitchen. "Girl, oh girl, you better put down that fucking peanut butter sandwich, or I swear to god."

Ali looked rather confused but did as she was instructed and put down her sandwich. "What are you talking about? I can eat a sandwich if I want to."

"Girl you need a reality check, and maybe mom is too scared to tell you this to your face, but you screwed up." Kyle was done playing games with her. He had tried to be there for Ali about the breakup, but all she did was mope about. She wasn't trying to get better and it was her own fault that this was happening the way it was. 

Ali's mouth fell open, leaving her gaping like a fish for a second. She couldn't believe Kyle had come all this way to insult her and call her out on her shit. 

"No. You don't get to speak right now, it's my turn, you can be quiet since it's what you do best." Kyle knew his words were harsh, but he was trying to provoke Ali. He wanted her to get up and fight back, he wanted to see his sister do something, anything, other than feeling sorry for herself. 

"Ali I love you, but you let a wonderful woman walk out of your life. You know I called Ashlyn, prepared to bitch her out about leaving you and breaking up with you. I laid into her for over twenty-minutes Ali, and do you know what? She took it because even though this wasn't her doing, she's a good fucking person and wouldn't sell you down the river. She took the blame for your selfish mistakes, she let me think you were the innocent one in all of this." Kyle was seething now. The call between him and Ashlyn had been an angry one, he had ripped the goal keeper a new one, but yet she had just taken it calmly and apologized for her role in it. 

Ali felt herself breaking at the mention of Ashlyn's name. "You spoke to her?" She seemed almost shocked that Ashlyn would take the call from anybody associated with her. 

Kyle snorted and shook his head. "Spoke to her? No, I yelled at her Ali, for you. I was trying to defend your honor." He rubbed his temples, trying to calm himself down but he was on a roll. Kyle was just so angry with his sister, and her complete lack of trying to fight for Ashlyn. "It's more than you did anyway, you're chicken shit you know that? I get that bad stuff happens Ali, but we have all suffered enough okay? It's been five years Ali, and I get that it haunts you but you have to move on!" Kyle was pleading now. 

Finally, a fire seemed to light behind Ali's eyes. Kyle had to fight the urge to smile because at least he was getting a reaction out of her. It was probably going to be a painful reaction but he didn't care. He knew he was pressing painful buttons, hell he was probably being a little hurtful. However she had hurt Ashlyn too, and it was about time that she realized it. 

"You don't get to tell me how to feel Kyle. It's your fault that I am in this whole mess, to begin with." Ali spat, her words cruel. She knew they'd hurt him, but she didn't like that he was going after the sore spots in her life too. 

Kyle flinched and then schooled his features into a hard look of disappointment. "I maybe a lot of things Ali, but at least I can apologize when I am wrong. Ashlyn did nothing but love you, when she told me she had been offered the job-" 

"She told you? When?" Ali asked, feeling as though somebody had dumped cold ice water on her. 

"The night of the family dinner, she had received a call that day and she wasn't sure how to tell you," Kyle replied, his gaze searching. 

Ali frowned and stared down at the ground, her brain working to process that information. "She didn't tell me until four days later Kyle. She was going to take the job anyway, so I guess it didn't matter. Why didn't she tell me?" 

Kyle blinked and then began to laugh, he just couldn't believe that Ali was being so ridiculously immature. "Are you serious right now? You wanna know why she didn't tell you sooner? Because she was scared she was going to lose you, and it looks like she was right." 

The girl just stared at him, the weight of his words finally hitting her. She had been so rude to Ashlyn, she had completely shut her out. Yes, it was a coping mechanism but it wasn't a good one. "Ky, I think I made a very terrible mistake." 

"You think?" Kyle shook his head and sat down on a stool near the counter. He was still mad at his sister, but she was his family. "Well now that you acknowledge your horrible actions, what are you going to do to win her back?" 

Ali felt guilty and she wasn't all that sure that Ashlyn would even want her back. "I should probably leave her alone, she's is busy in Orlando. I can't wreck her life again, I can't take away her dream." 

Rolling his eyes Kyle took a deep breath. "If I was to go check and see what you have recorded, how many of the items would be about Ashlyn or the Orlando Pride?" He questioned, knowing full well she probably had at least ten things recorded. 

Blushing his sister gave a shrug of her shoulders. "Probably a lot of them." 

"What's the screen saver on your phone Alex?" 

"It's Ashlyn." Ali couldn't look him in the eyes anymore. 

The past month had been hard and Ali had spent it hating herself. She had tried to watch everything that had anything remotely to do with Ashlyn just so that she could see her face. She missed her so fucking much and it killed her knowing that she wasn't part of the girl's life anymore. It was her own fault too, and she couldn't put that on anybody else. 

Even the house felt like a prison, more often than not Ali had found herself in Ashlyn's old room, trying to remember the way her girlfriend had smelled, the way she seemed to light up the room with that dimpled smile. 

The house felt far too big, far too empty without Ashlyn to warm it up. Even when Ashlyn had been away on trips for games, Ali had always counted on her coming back and making the place feel like a home and not an actual prison. 

Kyle watched as a torrent of emotions played out over Ali's face. The weight of what she had lost had seemed to finally settle on Ali, but there was also a hint of something else. 

"Do you want her back?" Kyle asked finally, searching his sister's face for the truth. He was willing to help her, but he needed Ali to be ready to fight for the girl and make the hard choices. 

Ali didn't even have time to really think about her answer before the words left her lips. "Yes." She wanted Ashlyn back more than anything. She missed her like crazy, and she was ready to fight now. Ali was honestly hoping it wasn't too late. 

Smiling softly, Kyle felt a little relieved. "Well then Alex, we got some work to do."   
\---   
"Alright team, we are gonna lock this season down and go for the other team's throats. No mercy, no goals, only clean sheets for us. We will outsmart them, out play them, we will crush them!" 

Ashlyn could feel her teammates staring at her like she had a third head. To say that she had become a little more intense since the break up was an understatement. She had done a lot of drastic things in the month that had followed, she had cut her hair even shorter than it was before and had basically molded herself into a soccer dictator. 

Or as Alex Morgan would say just a plain dick. 

Baby Horse was concerned about her friend, they had been through a lot together and Alex didn't want to see Ashlyn go off the deep end. She knew the keeper was hurting and throwing herself into the game, but Alex didn't want to see her get hurt any worse. 

"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?" Alex carefully dragged her friend away from the group and fixed her with a concerned look. 

"Okay so my speech was a little intense, that's what you're going to say. I just needed to motivate them, it's what will make me a great captain." Ashlyn protested, knowing full well that Alex was going to lecture her about her little speech. 

Alex frowned and shook her head. "You're being a dick, and you're going to get people hurt out there Ashlyn. I know you're hurting but come on, use your head." Alex warned, before tugging Ashlyn in for a hug. 

"I love you. Ash, I know it hurts okay? But you want to be a pillar of this community, you gotta be strong. You gotta keep your nose clean, you can't be a wild card like Solo." Alex patted her back, feeling the taller girl start to cry in her arms. Alex had gotten used to the emotional keeper struggling but it never did make it any easier. 

Ashlyn wiped her eyes and nodded. "Stay focused on the game plan, build the team and help the community." Ashlyn ran a hand through her hair. "I just miss her so much Alex. I want Ali back and I wonder if I made a mistake by coming here." 

"You didn't make a mistake Harris, you made a choice. If you hadn't of come to Orlando you would have regretted it and resented it for the rest of your life. You've spent enough time playing to know these chances don't come often." Alex wanted to make sure that Ashlyn knew what golden opportunities she had. The keeper was a pivotal point in building a brand-new team, a team that would be built from the ground up. 

Ashlyn knew her friend was right. "I know Alex, I just wish she was here to share it with me. I thought she was the one. Anyways, I am going to shower, I need to clear my head. Will you watch my stuff?" 

Alex nodded and watched her friend go, before moving over to Ashlyn's bag. She noticed the girl's cell phone and even though she knew she shouldn't, she picked it up. She checked the phone and noticed that Ashlyn had at least five new text messages from a guy named Kyle. 

It took Baby Horse a long moment before she realized that Kyle was Ali's brother. A wicked smile crossed Alex's face, she was going to find a way to get her friend back with Ali if it was the last thing she did. She pressed the call button and waited until she heard a greeting from the other line. 

"Is this Kyle? My name is Alex Morgan, I'm a friend of Ashlyn's and I need your help. Are you interested, great? So here's my plan..." 

\---   
Ali started from Kyle to the street and then back to Kyle, the gate from her driveway to the public street was open. Kyle had been working with her for the past week to get her to walk out of her house. She had made it to the end of the drive way before she chickened out and ran all the way back inside to panic. 

"Come on Ali, a step beyond the gate. Nobody else is around, it's just you and me. It's two steps Ali, you can do it." Kyle encouraged, trying to make her think about something other than her fears. 

Ali swallowed hard as she watched for any signs of other people on her street. Her house was safe, but it was a prison and freedom was so close. She wasn't sure if she could do it though, so many doubts plagued her mind. 

"What if I do this and she doesn't want me back?" Ali asked, looking into Kyle's eyes. "This would all be for nothing than Kyle." 

"It's not about Ashlyn right now. This is about you, don't do it for her, do it for you. Each step you take out of that house is a step to reclaiming your life, Ali. I know you are scared but you owe it to yourself." Kyle couldn't make her take the step forward, but he could encourage her. 

Suddenly the older Krieger was struck with an idea. "Ali, close your eyes." He instructed, waiting for his sister to do as he instructed. "Now follow my lead, I need you to trust me. Tell me your favorite things about Ashlyn." 

Ali felt unsure but closed her eyes, and took her brother's hands. She could feel him leading her back towards the house, turning every so often so that soon she wasn't sure what direction they were even going in. 

"I love her personality, she is so kind and loving. She has this funny humor about her, it makes every day feel like that lazy sort of Sunday when the sun is shining and everything feels warm." Ali could distinctly recall the way the sun seemed to shine off of Ashlyn's hair whenever she was doing the dishes by the kitchen window or outside grilling. How Ashlyn smelled after coming home from a game, freshly showered and still smelling of excitement. 

"Open your eyes, Ali," Kyle whispered, feeling his heart swelling with pride. 

Ali opened her eyes, surprised to find herself out past her gate almost in the middle of the street. For a moment she wanted to panic and run back for her safety, but Kyle held her close. 

"You did it okay? You did it, you took the first steps. You have to keep going forward Ali, don't look back. Even if you fall on your face, just keep going forward. No retreating." Kyle wanted her to continue to make progress. It was the first time in two years that Ali had ventured past her front gate. 

Kyle slowly released his hold on her hands and took a breath. "Now the Pride home opener is in two weeks' time. We are going to have to find a way to get you from Washington to Orlando." 

Ali's eyes widened and she didn't quite seem too sure about this. Just getting past her front gate had been hard, she wasn't sure about going all the way to a different state. "Kyle I haven't been in a car in years, I freak out when I'm surrounded by people. How's that going to work?" She asked. 

"When there is a will, there is a way. The question Ali, is how bad do you want her back?" 

Ali wanted her back, she wanted the lazy Sundays, the cat naps together. She wanted to wake up in Ashlyn's arms, and she was tired of being scared. "Alright, I am in. I am all in." She figured if she could just focus on Ashlyn's face then she could make it though. She wasn't just doing this for Ashlyn though, she was doing it for herself. She wanted to move on and be emotionally healthy again.

She had less than fourteen days to figure out how to get to Orlando and work up the courage to face Ashlyn. Ashlyn was her home and all Ali wanted was her back.


	16. 760 reasons to love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the end, 16 chapters later, and this is it. This is what we've been building to. 
> 
> Be warned it's a little angsty, but I think it's worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God guys it's been 3 months and 5 days since I started writing soccer stories again. I have to say that I am super proud of this one. I worked so hard on it, and this is actually the first multi-chaptered story that I finished and was actually ready to be done and be proud of it. It's also my longest story. So buckle up, sit back and enjoy the ride. 
> 
> Also though did you guys see the what's cooking with Toni Pressley? Ash was totes flirting and in her own house. Like in front of my salad Ash? Really? Well, I assume Krieger was there laughing, but I kind of low-key shipped it, I am going to hell but Pressley is a babe.
> 
> ~ Becks

"Come on you can do it, just a little farther." The familiar voice coaxed, a hint of a laugh in the tone. 

Ali had been trying to make it past her front gate, she could do it, it was still harder to do when she was on her own. She glanced up to see Ashlyn staring at her, a dimpled smile on the girl's face. 

"I'm scared," Ali mumbled, shocked to see Ashlyn in front of her. She was terrified, but she knew if she could just make it a little farther she would be with Ashlyn again. 

Ashlyn merely smiled wider, her eyes lighting up and shining with mischief. "Take my hand, I've got you. I've always got you." Ashlyn replied, holding out her hand to Ali. She seemed so peaceful and beautiful that Ali couldn't even help but just stare at her. There was something so serene about Ashlyn. 

The soccer player seemed so sure that things would be okay, and Ali wanted to believe that. She took Ashlyn's hand and stepped out past her front gate. A sigh of relief left her as she was tugged into Ashlyn's awaiting arms. 

"I'm sorry Ash, I love you. I should not have ever let you go. Please forgive me, I am so sorry." Ali whispered, running her fingers through the girl's hair, dragging her down for a heated kiss. The kiss was enough to make Ali's head spin, this was what love felt like, she was sure of it. 

"I forgive you Ali, and I love-..." Ashlyn's words turned to loud and annoying beeps. 

"What did you say?" Ali asked, her eyes narrowing in confusion. 

"I said I lo- beep! Beep, Beep, Beep." Then Ashlyn started to fade away, her body floating away like it was a kind of mist. 

Ali groaned in anger as she opened her eyes and realized she was dreaming. She slammed her fist against the couch pillow a few times and sat up. She had been so sure that the girl was real, that Ashlyn had come back for it, but it wasn't true. Ashlyn was still in Orlando and Ali was stuck trying to conquer her demons in Washington DC. 

The girl had been dreaming about the keeper more and more, it had been almost a week since Kyle had helped her leave her house. Kyle had been working with her day in, and day out to get past all of her fears. He pushed her to go farther and farther down the street. He had even driven Ali to the local super market, and let her go shopping for some veggies. To other people that might not have seemed like a big deal, but to her it was. 

It was progress and yet at night when she was alone and early in the morning, Ashlyn occupied her mind. She was doing this for Ashlyn partly, but also for herself. She wanted to be somebody strong enough to be with Ashlyn, wanted to better herself so she wouldn't be locked up in her self-imposed exile from the rest of the world. 

Ali stood to her feet, trying to ignore the fact that her heart was aching. She missed Ashlyn and she knew that she had messed up big. She grabbed her phone and went through her old messages like she did every day. Ashlyn had been so good to her, so kind and understanding and she had blown it all up. 

Before she could let herself regret it, she quickly typed out a message to Ashlyn, hitting send before she could stop herself. She felt her heart beating fast as if it was going to run away from her chest. Perhaps it wasn't the smartest of moves sending her ex a message, but she just wanted to let her know she cared. 

There were a million and one different reactions playing off in her mind on a loop. Ashlyn could call her, could yell at her, scream, or not respond at all. Ali wasn't really sure which one would hurt the most, she knew she deserved it even if that did nothing to ease the ache. She glanced at her phone and saw that Ashlyn had seen the messages, but there were no typing bubbles, so nothing. 

Ali sighed and had a sinking feeling the girl would leave her on read. Ali set her phone down and walked away to the kitchen, trying to calm herself. She couldn't let one setback derail her chances at making progress. She was still going to go to Orlando and apologize to her face to face, no matter what. However, at this moment she just wanted to hide, she was worried Ashlyn hated her. 

\----   
_~ In Orlando ~_

Ashlyn had been doing some light weight lifting in the Pride fitness gym when she felt the phone buzz and her music got temporarily interrupted. Setting the weights down, Ashlyn picked up her phone, wondering who was texting her since most of her teammates were either working out or eating breakfast. 

The message on her phone was sent by the last person that she had expected to be texting her. She blinked in surprise at the name, almost wondering if her eyes were betraying her. Surely this was a trick, Ali hadn't talked to her in over a month and a half. Still, in her notifications, Ali's name stood out proudly. 

Ashlyn felt physically ill to her stomach, wondering if perhaps Ali was just messaging her to say something mean or tell her she had forgotten something at the house. Ash had half a mind to delete the message without even reading it, but then finally opened it 

_'Hey I heard the Pride's home opener is in a week, I just wanted to wish you good luck out there. You deserve the win, stay safe - AK'_

Ashlyn felt her eyes narrow, she wasn't sure what Ali was playing at. Why was the girl texting her now, why all of a sudden? She was so mad at her, so angry that Ali hadn't even tried to say goodbye and yet she sent this sort of text message as if things were okay. Ashlyn had half the urge to throw her phone. 

"What the literal fuck?" She growled out, setting her phone down and standing up. 

She began to pace, trying to figure out how she was supposed to feel. She felt like she had been sucked punched in the gut, as though all the air had been forcibly removed from her body. 

There were pieces of her that were relieved that Ali was okay enough to text her, but then other pieces that were bitter that Ali seemed okay while Ashlyn felt like her world was falling apart. This wasn't fair, how could Ali still have a grip on her heart, a few words and Ashlyn felt like her heart was shattering all over again. What gave the girl the right to obliterate her like this. 

She kept pacing until she felt rather than saw somebody get in her way. Ashlyn glanced up and frowned to see Steph Catley and Alex Morgan both standing in her way. 

"Can I help you?" Ash asked, trying to keep her tone from being rude but barely succeeding. 

Alex folded her arms across her chest. "You're over here pacing like a wild panther, do you want to explain to us what is wrong? Also, Catley is here because if you try and punch me she'll go all Crocodile hunter on you." 

Steph scoffed and rolled her eyes. "That was rude coming from somebody named Baby Horse, but yes if you hurt Morgan here, I'll have to go all Aussie on your ass. So what is wrong?" 

Ashlyn couldn't help but crack a smile at the absurdity of the situation. "My ex just texted me randomly and told me good luck for the game?" 

"She messaged you?" Alex looked completely shocked, she had been texting with Kyle but hadn't expected Ali to be that bold. 

Steph looked completely lost. "You didn't want her to message you, is she a wanker?" She wasn't understanding the complexity of her captain's dilemma. 

"Yes, she messaged me, and no she's not a jerk, she's... I mean she can be, I don't know it's complicated." Ashlyn shrugged, unsure of how to explain to Steph what was actually, going on. She was mad that Ali had texted her randomly instead of actually talking to her like a human being. 

Alex looked concerned and placed a hand on Ash's shoulder. "I don't think you should respond right away. You're clearly upset still, and you could really say some stuff you regret. Let cooler heads prevail." Alex warned. She didn't want to see Ashlyn get hurt again, nor did she want to see Ash destroy Ali in a sort of petty revenge. 

Catley nodded in agreement. "You don't want to lash out in anger, you'll regret it mate." She glanced at Ashlyn's phone and then snatched it off the workout machine bench. "I'll give it back to you after practice." She mused, jogging away before a shocked Ashlyn could even react. 

Ashlyn just stared after her in shock, unable to even process what had happened. Alex burst into laughter and was almost snorting from laughing so hard. 

"I got phone jacked," Ashlyn muttered, before shaking her head. "I guess I will have to get my phone later." She mumbled, looking down. 

Alex nodded her head. "Think of it this way, you'll have time to plot your response to Ali. Now just focus in on training, we have the opening day coming up."   
\---   
_  
~In Washington DC~_

"So you sent her a message huh? That was brave, perhaps a little impulsive which surprises me, but brave." Kyle's attempt at reassurance didn't make Ali feel any better. She knew her brother was trying to help but it just wasn't cutting it. 

Kyle had done his usual thing, repeating his process of coming over after work and dragging Ali outside for a walk in the evening. Every time he was pushing her further and further, trying to get her to interact with people on their walks. All she could think about in the moment was the fact that Ashlyn still hadn't replied from her text message earlier in the morning. 

"It's been over ten hours Kyle, she's not going to respond," Ali mumbled, feeling rather dejected. She wondered if this was how Ashlyn felt when she had ignored her for over two weeks. It was a shitty feeling and while Ali knew that payback was fair, she didn't like it. 

Kyle gave her a sympathetic look, trying to assure her that things would work out. He didn't want to give her false hope and tell her things would get better over night, still, Ashlyn couldn't be blamed for giving Ali the cold shoulder. 

"Just remember that while some of this is for her, not all of it is. You have to remember that you are making progress for you, you have to accept that she may not respond." Kyle tried to soften his words, but there was no way he could completely take the sting out of them. 

Ali looked gutted, which made her brother frown. Kyle had always hated seeing Ali look so sad, so he wrapped his arms around her and gave her a hug. 

"Do you trust me, Al?" Kyle asked suddenly hoping that she would. 

Ali gave him a curious look but then nodded. "Yeah I do, I really do." She meant it too, it had been a long road for the both of them back to a place where she could trust him. 

"Close your eyes then," Kyle commanded softly. 

Waiting until his sister did as she was instructed, he gently guided her to the middle of the sidewalk. "I want you to take a moment and just feel the sunlight. Let it warm your skin, let it fill you with a place that is overflowing with happiness. You have so much potential Ali your life isn't over yet. You have so much to do, so much to live for." 

Ali could feel the sun, it was warm and inviting. She could feel the way that it filled every crack and chased the shadows back. It reminded her of how Ashlyn had come into her life, blazing in all of her glory, so full of life. Ash had filled the broken and cracked pieces of Ali with light and love. 

That realization made Ali's heart ache even more. "I have to get her back," Ali whispered, opening her eyes. Maybe she was Icarus flying too close to the sun, but she'd rather know she tried and got burned then to have not given it her all. 

"We're going to try, I swear to you, we're going to try," Kyle promised her softly. 

\----   
_  
~In Orlando~_

Ashlyn had heard that the best way to get over somebody was to get under somebody else. However, that wasn't going very well, because whenever she tried to hit on one of her team mates, it was like Alex Morgan or Steph Catley came out of nowhere. She had tried hitting on Alana Kennedy, only to be told she was taken, she had tried hitting on Monica, only for Marta to curse her out in Portugues and pointedly take Monica and Camila away from her. 

"What the hell, why is everybody avoiding me?" Ashlyn questioned aloud, wondering what the heck was going on. It was then that she spotted Toni Pressley. The girl seemed like she could be fun to hang out with and get to know better. 

"Hey Toni, do you want to come make dinner at my house. For your show, maybe you could show me a thing or two?" Ashlyn asked, flirting a little. 

Toni cleared her throat and looked a little uncomfortable but then nodded. "Alright, I could use a place to cook for my show. That sounds good to me." 

Ashlyn spent most of the dinner prep trying to hit on Toni, she made every excuse to touch the girl's arms or her waist. She was desperately trying to ease the ache in her heart, and yet every time Toni smiled at her it just didn't feel the same. Ashlyn even tried setting the mood with candles, but as Toni looked over at her as they ate, Ashlyn knew she was failing to make any progress. 

"Thank you for letting me film my show at your house, you have such a nice kitchen." Toni mused, trying to be a nice host. She had tried to ignore Ashlyn's flirting, but she was curious as to why the girl was trying so hard. "This dinner is nice" 

"Yes, it really is nice." Ashlyn wasn't even really paying attention, her mind still on Ali. "I owe you an apology Toni, I was trying to flirt with you and I shouldn't-" Ashlyn got cut off by Toni raising her hand. 

"Look Ash I am glad we're friends, I am glad we can be cooking buddies but you are clearly hung up on your ex. Alex mentioned her and I happen to like somebody else. So don't apologize, we can just be two friends having dinner okay?" Toni offered, trying to let her off the hook. 

Ashlyn actually looked relieved. "I could use another friend, thank you for being so cool." Ash knew what she wanted to say to Ali, she just hoped the girl would keep talking to her. She didn't want to miss out on a chance if Ali was willing to talk again. 

Toni rolled her eyes and took her plate to the sink. "Well you owe me a dance and you're in charge of the dishes, why don't you tell me about your girl. Maybe I can give some advice?" Toni really did want to help. 

Ashlyn took her plate to the sink and then moved to her record player to play some music. She played some soft music and gave a mock bow to Toni, asking for a dance. 

Toni began to dance with her, enjoying the music and waiting for Ashlyn to talk about Ali. Ashlyn began to describe to Toni how Ali made her feel, she talked about how Ali had made Ashlyn want to be a better person and right the wrong of the world. 

They were so distracted in their dancing that they hadn't heard the door open. At least until the door slammed and a very pissed Alex Morgan stood before them. 

"Are you kidding me right now? Are you absolutely kidding me? You have to be, you dumb idiot, I could strangle you!" Alex growled, flipping on the light. "Mood lighting, music, candle lit dinner? You move on fast!" Alex hissed, angry with Ashlyn. 

"Alex it's not what it looks like." Toni piped up, stepping away from Ashlyn and towards Alex. 

"You need to leave Pressley before I kick your ass. You thought Ashlyn, I thought you loved Ali, you can't just sleep with the first easy teammate you find." Alex growled. 

"Hey, I am not easy!" Toni grumbled, flipping Alex off. "That's offensive and I was just cooking dinner, I am not interested in Ash, we were having a friendly dinner. Get off your high horse Morgan." She huffed before leaving. 

Ashlyn watched the two girls fight and then just shook her head. "I was actually telling Toni about Ali before you got here. She knew I was hung up on Ali, nothing happened." 

Eyeing her in disbelief, Alex sighed. "I only came here to bring you your phone from Catley. I know you're hurting Ash, but please don't bury your feelings because they hurt. Don't jump from one relationship to the next." Alex warned before leaving Ash's phone on the table and then walking out of the house. The forward had a feeling she needed to go offer apologies to Toni.   
\---   
Ashlyn did her best to continue ignoring her phone, Ali hadn't tried to text again but Ashlyn could feel the weight of needing to respond on her chest. She picked up her phone and carried it to the bedroom. She laid down on her phone and began to look through past messages between her and Ali. 

_'Thanks for wishing me luck, I am going to need all the luck I can get. -Ash'_

Confident that her message wasn't passive aggressive or even rude, Ash sent it. She wasn't sure it would make her feel any better, but at least Ali had talked to her. 

Ali who herself was getting ready for bed, jumped at the sound of her phone buzzing. She glanced at it and swallowed hard. She wondered if Ashlyn was going to be rude in the text, call her out for all the things she had done wrong. Instead, as she looked at the message, she could tell the girl was probably tired. 

_'You can do it, the other teams won't know what hit them. I believe in you, you'll get the clean sheet. - AK'_

Ashlyn bit her bottom lip and stared at Ali's latest text message, she was angry that they had been reduced to simply texting each other. It was better than nothing, but if Ali hadn't given up on her, they wouldn't have to be so awkward with each other. 

_'I am still mad at you Ali, why are you messaging me now of all times? I don't have time for your mind games. - Ash'_

Ali winced and frowned, but she knew that she owed the girl an explanation. "So much for not fighting." She mumbled to herself. 

_'I deserved that, and I do owe you an explanation. Can I call you? - AK'_

Ali watched as the typing bubbles appeared and disappeared multiple times like Ashlyn was contemplating her answer over and over. 

In Orlando, Ashlyn was laughing humorlessly. "No, we can't talk, you don't deserve to have me talk to you. How do you like me being cut out and not knowing why?" She almost sent it, before erasing it. No matter how angry and hurt she was at Ali, she didn't want to hurt her back. She couldn't hurt her back, not with how in love she was.   
_  
'Go ahead and call –Ash'_

Ali tried to gather up her courage as the words flashed up on her screen. She knew she needed to be brave, bite the bullet and just apologize, and try to give the girl some much-needed closure. Without waiting for her brain to second guess her, she hit the call button. 

It took Ashlyn about two rings to pick up, mostly because she was debating on whether or not she was being stupid about actually allowing Ali to talk to her, but she knew she needed to do this for herself. She needed to heal her heart and not let it ache for the rest of her life. 

"Hey," Ashlyn finally said, taking a shuddering deep breath. 

It was stupid but Ali almost wanted to cry at the sound of Ashlyn's voice. The girl was real, and she was talking to her. 

"Hey, yourself." Ali tried to keep her voice steady. 

Ashlyn could hear the quaking in Ali's voice but didn't call her out on it. "So you said you wanted to talk?" 

"I owe you an apology Ashlyn, I am sorry. I am sorry for shutting you out and pushing you away, I reacted badly to a situation and made a big deal out of something that I shouldn't have." Ali was trying her best to be sincere, she knew she needed to get all of it out, and just be straight forward with her. 

"You really hurt me, Ali. I would have given everything up to be with you, which I guess is my own fault because I was enabling you." Ashlyn ran a hand through her hair, feeling frustrated inside. Her feelings were all swirling around like a hurricane. 

Ali closed her eyes, feeling them start to fill with tears. "I know that I hurt you, and I am sorry. I shut down and I shut you out, and it wasn't fair of me to do that to you. You were my girlfriend and I treated you unfairly, I hope one day you can forgive me for that. It doesn't have to be today, tomorrow or even in a year, but someday I hope we can be friends again. I can understand if you don't want to though." 

"I can forgive you Ali, but I don't think I can be friends with you right now. It hurts to talk to you because here I am miles and miles away still loving you." Ashlyn mumbled, her attempts to stay strong were failing. 

"It's 760 miles." Ali piped up. 

Ashlyn crinkled her nose, wondering if she heard her wrong. "What?" 

"It's 760 miles from Washington DC to Orlando, I checked. I checked before you left, during the time I was shutting you out. I was trying to think about whether or not we could make it, and I tried to come up with a list of 760 reasons why we wouldn't work." Ali explained, she wasn't trying to hurt Ashlyn but she could tell by the sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line that she had. 

Ashlyn felt her heart breaking all over, she thought of all the people that had abandoned her in her life, that had chosen the easy way out over fighting for her. That was exactly what Ali had done, and it killed her inside. 

"Ashlyn, I thought of seven hundred and sixty reasons why I am still head over heels in love with you. I thought of all those reasons that made me want to be with you still." Ali's tone was pleading, she knew she had messed up and she was owning her mistakes. But she didn't want to lose Ashlyn completely. 

The keeper sighed softly and slowly shook her head. "Maybe someday you can tell me them Ali, but not tonight okay? I love you and it hurts. It hurts like hell, but I still love you. So please if you love me back at all like you claim you do, you won't tell me them right now. I have to go, Ali, I have practice early in the morning." With that Ashlyn hung up. 

The second she ended the call, Ashlyn broke down sobbing. She wanted to be with Ali so badly, but she couldn't focus on that she had to focus on being the best keeper she could for the Pride. 

Ali's heart shattered into a million pieces but she tried to keep it together. If anything, this made her even more determined to get her ass to Orlando and fight for her girl. She needed her back and she wasn't going to settle for locking herself away in some prison. 

Moving from her bed, Ali walked down the hall to her office and grabbed a notepad. She began to write across the top. '760 reasons that I love you'. Ali underlined the title and then took a deep breath. She didn't care if it took her all night she was going to write out every single reason she had for loving her.   
\----  
 _  
~ In Orlando ~_

The rest of the week leading up to the home opener had been crazy. Ever since her talk with Ali, Ashlyn had been on fire, she was ready to move on with her career and be the best keeper that she could be. Ashlyn was ready to make an impact and help lead the pride to the NWSL championship. 

"Today is the day," Ash whispered to herself as she got ready. She kept repeating it to herself all the way to the stadium, as she put on her headphones. She was in the zone and nothing was going to break it from her. She just needed to keep pushing forward and keep her focus. 

"Let's win this one ladies!" Ashlyn called out, trying to pump her teammates up. "We are going to beast-mode the hell out of this game. We are gonna play with heart and have fun. Let's show these fans that we have their backs and we're to play proudly." She called, hyping her teammates up. 

It was then that she noticed one, in particular, was missing. "Where the hell is Alex?" Ashlyn asked as she slid on her captain's armband. It wasn't like Alex to miss pre-game traditions. 

"I am pretty sure she had some family that was supposed to be here, she said she was getting them situated up in the box." Camila piped up, giving her captain a thumbs up. 

Ashlyn bit her bottom lip, unaware that Alex was bringing Tobin and Press to a game, they had their own NWSL games to play so there was no way it was them. "Alright, let's go to the field and warm up. We'll worry about Alex later, let's go Pride." She called, leading the way out onto the field. 

Elsewhere in the Stadium Alex was guiding Kyle and a very tense Ali up into one of the special boxes. Alex handed Kyle and Ali their tickets as well as their security passes. 

"Alright, will you two be okay up here, I really need to get down to the field," Alex explained, glad that so far her and Kyle's plan had worked out. "You alright Ali, you look a little sick?" 

Slowly Ali turned to glance at Alex, the girl looked pale. "There are so many people, I left the safety of the place I've stayed at for years, I rode on a plane that was really shaky by the way. I need a minute." She sank down in a seat, trying to collect her thoughts. Ali had never been this impulsive before, this was crazy to her. 

She stole a glance out to the field and saw Ashlyn in goal. It was in that moment that she knew she would do anything and everything she could to get the girl back. She was done being scared, she wanted Ash back and if that meant facing all of her fears in one day then so be it. 

Alex gave a small smile and handed Ali a small package. "You can't come to a Pride game and not have pride gear. It's one of Ash's jerseys, hot off the line. If they ask where you got it, don't tell them it was from me." She gave Ali a gentle squeeze on the shoulder before leaving to go down to the field. 

Ali put the jersey on and looked to Kyle, who snapped a picture of her. She took a deep breath, preparing herself to lay it all on the line as soon as the game was over. 

"You've got this Ali, you can do this," Kyle reassured her, squeezing her hand. "Did you bring your list and sign?" 

"It's in my purse, seven-hundred and sixty reasons why I love her and why we belong together." Ali sat buried her face in her hands, trying to mentally psych herself up. She wasn't sure what she was more scared of now, the fact that could possibly lose Ashlyn forever or be having to go home on the scary-ass plane. 

"Well little sis, it's show time." Kyle mused, nodding to the field as the players finished their warm ups and the game began. 

\--- 

It was a hard fought game, Alex had scored a hat trick, but the opposing team was out of blood and trying to shut down the Pride. So far Ashlyn had kept her clean sheet, but the Washington Spirit had been awarded a free kick. 

Ashlyn squared up in the goal, stretching her hands out, waving them up and down doing her best to psych out Mallory Pugh. She loved her friend, but right now the girl was the enemy. 

To the keeper it felt like time had slowed way down, the crowd behind her was silent, all she could focus on was Mal. It felt like years as the seconds crept by, Mallory lining up her shot. Mallory kicked the ball to the upper left post and Ashlyn dove for it. 

As she landed on the ground, ball in her keeper gloves, Ashlyn closed her eyes. She had done it, she had kept her clean sheet. Slowly she rose to her feet, and then with all of her strength kicked the ball back towards the other side of the field. 

The last few seconds of the game ticked by, and the keeper felt like her heart was going to explode. All around the stadium the crowd was going wild, and when the final whistle blew Ash took off running towards Alex who jumped into her arms. Ashlyn spun her friend around, tears of happiness falling down her cheeks. 

"We did it, baby horse, we did it." Ash cupped her face and kissed the top of the forward's head. 

Alex held her friend tight, knowing how much this moment meant to her. "I have a surprise for you Ash, please don't be mad." Pointing up to where Ali and Kyle were in the luxury box, Alex nodded to them. "I thought I could bring some happiness back in your life." 

Ashlyn felt like her whole world stopped for a second, she followed Alex's pointing and found what looked to be a very enthusiastic Ali Krieger jumping up and down. 

"Is that-?" Ashlyn didn't even want to dare to hope. "That can't be, she hasn't left the house in years Alex. Is this a sick joke?" 

Frowning, baby horse shook her head and kept pointing to the box. "This isn't a joke, and she's here for you. Now go get your girl, Ashlyn!" 

Ashlyn didn't need to be told twice and without waiting a second longer took off for the stands. She jumped over the fan barricade, pulled herself up through the poles of the stands and raced up to the box. She could hear the crowd roaring for her, as she made her way to the box. 

Ali saw her coming and walked out of the box with her sign and the letter of reasons. She could feel Kyle behind her, silently blocking her escape and urging her on to be brave. 

"What are you doing here?" Ash questioned, panting heavily as she was out of breath from running. 

"I have seven hundred and sixty reasons to love you Ashlyn, seven hundred and sixty reasons to fight for you and want you back." Ali offered her the letter and looked her square in the eyes. She knew she needed to make a big gesture and try to explain how she felt about Ashlyn. 

Looking at the paper and then back at Ali, Ashlyn raised a brow. "You left your house for me?" 

"Ashlyn home is where the heart is, it's where you're safest and my heart isn't in Washington DC. My heart is here with you." Ali stepped forward and reached for Ashlyn's hand. She was thankful that Ashlyn didn't jerk away, taking it as a good sign. 

"I have spent so long locked inside my own fears, searching for a home. But the last year with you, it was me finding home. You're my safe place, your arms are where I feel like nothing can ever hurt me again. Your smile and your laugh, that remind me that good things can happen when you least expect them. I know I hurt you Ashlyn and I am so sorry, but please.." Ali was willing to get down on her knees and beg the girl to take her back. 

Ashlyn was having to process through so many different emotions. Ali had left her house, had traveled over seven hundred miles, and braved a large crowd of people just to see her and try to win her back. She knew what it meant for Ali to face her fears, to leave the house and actually come all the way to Orlando. It was the girl's big gesture and it meant a lot to Ashlyn, it meant that Ali was actually trying for her. 

"Could you please say something? I mean even if it's that you hate me or want me to leave? I can tell you my reasons if you want." Ali mumbled, starting to ramble a little bit. "Reason number one, you have a really kind heart and you care deeply for you friends and I like that abo-" 

Ashlyn cut her off and kissed her deeply, pulling Ali against her. She kissed her passionately, trying to pour all of her emotion into the kiss, wanting to try and fix what was broken between them. 

Ali felt like all the broken pieces of her was being filled with sunlight, all the dark places in her that people had chipped were being healed. For the first time in over a month, Ali actually felt warm and complete. 

Finally, Kyle cleared his throat, trying to let the two girls know that he was still there. "I'm going to go get a churro, you two keep talking." He murmured, as they broke apart. 

Laughing Ashlyn just shook her head, she looked into Ali's eyes. "I love you too Ali." 

"I guess we have a lot to talk about?" Ali asked, feeling hopeful that Ashlyn wouldn't shut her out. 

"That we do baby girl, that we do. We have time for all of that though, come on I want you to meet the pride players." Ashlyn mused, taking her hand and guiding her down the stadium steps and back towards the field. 

Ashlyn was all smiles when she saw Alex watching them. She held up her linked hand with Ali, to show Alex who gave them a happy thumbs up. 

"She's such a sap." Ashlyn joked, climbing over the barricade and reaching back up to help Ali down. 

"Yeah she might be but I owe her. She helped me get here, she also gave me this cool jersey." Ali mused, nodding her appreciation to Alex. 

Ashlyn glanced at Ali, looking over the jersey before humming her approval. "I hadn't noticed you were wearing my jersey. You look good in it though." Ashlyn winked at her, giving her a dimpled smile and then pulled her in for an earth shattering kiss. 

Ali couldn't help but melt into the kiss. 

This was what life was supposed to be about Life was being filled with love and the sunshine, allowing somebody to take the broken and shattered pieces of your soul and fix them so that they didn't hurt so bad anymore. Life was supposed to be about knowing how many steps it would take to get from the top of the stadium to the bottom so you could be in your lover's arms. 

Life was supposed to be about healing and learning to go with the process. Learning how to forgive and learn how to love in spite of flaws and insecurities. Life was learning how to be a family again, and learning that sometimes friends made the best kind of family. 

It wasn't always going to be perfect but learning to trust yourself and your partner to be strong enough to make it through. Both Ali and Ashlyn had learned that lesson the hard way. They had come out the other side together though. 

Life was supposed to be about finding a home, and that was exactly what they had done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I'm long winded and here's another Author's note. 
> 
> This one is for each and every one of you that read my story. Every comment, every Kudo, every view, and hit. This one is for you guys, who reminded me that it's okay to write your feelings. I can't believe we did it, guys. Thank you so much. 
> 
> I am thinking about a sequel, I mean if people would be interested in that. I am starting school soon so I wouldn't be able to write as much as I did over the summer, but who knows. Besides I am kind of interested if now that they've found home if they can keep it. ;) 
> 
> In the words of Lady Gaga, 'You're giving me a million reasons.'
> 
> Thank you again for everything. Let me know if you do want a sequel. 
> 
> Love you all  
> ~Becks


End file.
